Sunday, June 7, 2009

Gabi...Is that You?

Gabriella Herkert, Catnapped and Doggone

Me. Me. Me. You’d think I would find it easy to expound about all things Gabi. I did, after all, go to law school where the better part of three semesters are dedicated to teaching baby mouthpieces to go on and on and on and then send a bill. So, to keep my bar card from being unanimously revoked for my failure to communicate, here goes.

Yes, I really did attend the United States Military Academy at West Point. For the trivial minded, the uniform (dress gray) may seem familiar since it was worn by the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz. My sense of fashion hasn’t improved. I eagerly await Garanimals for Grown Ups. The highlight of my military education was finding the tank I’d misplaced.

My hair is naturally Rasputin Red. I have spent a lifetime muting the Bozo the Clown highlights. I’m not Anne of Green Gables - traumatized by the color. I’d just rather not give potential quip challengers a heads up, so to speak. The freckles defy camouflage.

If I could pick one person to have dinner with, living or dead, I’d probably go with Dorothy Parker. I’d like to match wits and see if I survive. I’d also like to ask her how she managed to scare Senator Joseph McCarthy so much he never even dared call her before the House Unamerican Activities Committee. I’ve been working on my “stop them in their tracks” stare since childhood. My kindergarten picture could double as a mug shot. It always cracks me up when the stare works on the big, the bad and the boss.

My best friend is a Lab mix named Koko. She walks me twice a day. I can use the exercise. Other things, well, we can share them as we go along. You can find me here on Sundays. I could hardly be a mystery writer with the story already told. Get ready to turn the page…


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