Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Techno - wampus (or is it Swampus)

I'm all for the technowampus world we live in. Could you even imagine living without this stuff, in some kind of bizarre Waltons like existence??? Seriously, without spell check I would never have graduated collage (or is that college). I literally can't spell my way out of a paper bag - not really sure how you would go about that anyhow - I guess you start with sharp letters like Z and K and avoid using the O at all costs.

Beyond spell check there are other benefits to technology. We can do research from the comfort of our own homes - of course, as Shane so perfectly pointed out earlier, that doesn't always work out as planned. We can also order Pizza from our cell phones while having writers block and acoiding doing research - we don't even have to get up and grab the land line anymore. Come to think of it why do I stil have a landline anyway??? And of couse we can e-mail, facebook, tweet, check the stock market, watch a game or a TV show we missed. We can even video conference and skype with fans - not sure they want to see us eating Cherios at nine in the morning but you get the general idea.

In fact given enough planning, we can Tweet that we're about to eat Cherioos, post a facebook update with the Cheeerio box front and nutritional information and probably even send virtual Cherios to our Mafia Wars friends or something, then skype the Chearyioo eating broadcast live to selected fans and friends and then post a clip on Youtube of our dining extraveganza, intercut with M C Hammer tunes in the background, while simultaniously answering messages on our I-phones as to the tastyness of the said cheryoos.

Bet you some semi-real money those backward country folk on the Walton's couldn't do that - all they could do was have John Boy tell them a bed time story about how good the cheerios were going to be for breakfast the next morning.
And who really wants...

Wait a minute - telling stories - oh yeah, that's actually our job.

Alright, I change my mind.

Technology SUCKS, at least, that is, when it clutters up our world and gets in the way of doing what we're supposed to do. What we love to do. All of which, would explain why I do most of my, initial writing on legal pads with a pen and paper, usually at some coffee house or resteurant where no one will be able to find me and the manager is getting antsy about the 15 free refills I've had since I came in. (Bet he didn't calcuat me into his P and L)

So I say chuck it all - except for that spell check thing, we going to have to make an exception somewhere. By the way - why can't it spell Cerrioos correctly :/ I'm going off to find a dictionary. If I still have one, it's probably over near the land line somewhere.

Goodnight John Boy.

Graham Brown is the Author of Black Rain - a story which involves technology and equipment that are slowly rendered useless by a mysterious energy force. Hmmm... very suspicious.


Sophie Littlefield said...

awwww, you are so precious. that "spell your way out of a paper bag" thing is probably my favorite riff of the week. :)

Terry Stonecrop said...

Ha-ha. I agree, it's great and it sucks.

Spell check is a god, although, unfortunately not infallible.

I like your legal pad idea. It's too bad my handwriting is even worse than my typing.

Meredith Cole said...

Spell check has been a livesaver, but it has also made me a terrible speller. I guess that's one of the hazards of techno wizardry...

BTW, I grew up near Walton Mountain (or at least Earl Hamner's home place) -- and if John Boy was still around, he would definitely have a cell phone...

Shane Gericke said...

Ah, the mysterious energy force that saps our natural bodily fluids (movie reference!!!) and turns our delicious Cherioz into those evil Lucky Charms! Can't wait to read Black Rain, which is undoubtedly out at a Friendly Local Bookseller Near You!

Ditto what Sophie said on those sharp letters cutting themselves out of the bag. Laughed my ass off. Which is saying a lot cause my ass is big as all outdoors (stageplay reference!!!)

I wish I could write on a legal pad, but man my handwriting sucks, and it's slow and tedious and makes my hands all crampy so thank the heavens for my lil' ol computer.

Shane Gericke said...

P.S. I keep a landline for all the times the &^%$#$# cutting-edge technology crashes. As I was saying to the Comcast rep just yesterday after the THIRD outage this week ...

Kelli Stanley said...

Fun post, Graham!! :)

Cheerios are well and good, but anyone remember Freakies? Delicious peanut butter taste with cool cartoon Freakies characters and excellent premiums.


We need to have a favorite childhood breakfast cereal Q of the W! :)

Graham Brown said...

Glad you guys liked the paper bag reference - nothing like 2am delierium to help me come up with something.

Shane - you're so right about the landline - I keep it only for faxes, but that line actually goes down more often than my cell phone.

Hope you like Black Rain - I'll be all over Torn Apart when it comes out.