Friday, May 7, 2010
Favorite Scene? I Got Two Words For Ya ...
My No. 1 favorite scene?
Cause it means I'm done telling that particular tale of derring-do, and can start another for your amusement and entertainment.
So that's it. Just two words: The End. Blog's done. Nothing more to see. Go on home now, show's over ...
Sigh. I didn't think that would cut it, dashing off a two-word blog then going outside to play in the pretty sunshine. (It's high 60s and gorjus here in Chicago today. It's our annual couple days of spring that separate the end of leaden winter and start of humid summer.) I'll bet you want a REAL scene that I enjoyed writing, right?
Yeah. So, here's one of my faves. It's in the upcoming TORN APART. It's a simple little scene involving fellow cops Martin Benedetti and Hercules Branch--two best friends, setting up camp, preparing to go deer-hunting. The thing to know is that in the forest, a hungry bear can set upon you at any moment, so smart people carry a heavy-caliber handgun for protection:
Marty strolled into the open-air latrine, toilet paper in hand.
Waited some more.
“Bear!” he shouted at the top of his lungs.
Marty crashed out of the latrine, pants around his ankles, .44 revolver in hand. Mud splashed, toilet paper flew. His feet tangled. He fell into a puddle. Rainwater and mud gouts flew everywhere.
“Where?” Marty shouted, looking at tent, table, Escalade, tent. “Where’s the bear?”
“Don’t you see it?” Branch said, sinking to the ground laughing. “It’s right there.”
Marty followed the outstretched finger.
Which pointed at his shiny behind.
“You son of a bitch,” Marty sputtered, clutching at his pants. “I’ll get you for this.”
“Bare!” Branch howled.
“I still got mud up my ass,” Marty grumbled. “Oughta make you clean it out.”
“Shhhh,” Branch said, finger to his lips. “We’re hunting wabbits.”
Marty suppressed a laugh. Didn’t want Branch to think he was funny.
Though the latrine bit had been pretty good.
They continued their exploration of the Lee River Valley. They’d set up camp east of Millston, in the remote southern portion of the Black River State Forest. The air was nippy, the sun inviting. Barn owls hooted in the distance. Red-tailed hawks swooped for breakfast. Dwarf milkweed bent to the puffing breeze, sunlight scattered off patches of sandstone. They’d watched a beaver dam give way to the relentless pounding of the river, opening the clogged channel and sucking the flood waters back into the main stream. Fish splashed here and there. Pine sap mingled with the mushroom dankness of wet earth. They felt civilization slipping away. They were cavemen in Gore-Tex, locked and loaded, minimizing their noise to the squish of boots in muck. Looking for bucks . . .
It shows, in just a few moments of acting like grade schoolers, the warm comraderie of two grown men who have, together, lived, loved, laughed . . . and killed.
Everything a friendship should be.
BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID.
In honor of this week's announcement of the merger of United and Continental airlines, I offer this YouTube sensation. For those who haven't seen it, the story is, sadly, true: a band took a flight on United, baggage handlers mangled their guitars, and customer service refused to do anything about it. So, the band leader put together this music video about the experience. It went viral with more than 8 million hits. United surely rues the day it decided to say, Get lost.
Or so one would hope.
And now that United will be busy making the merger actually work, anyone flying the Formerly Friendly Skies (as I will, in June) should openly tremble at the thought of getting to your destination, let alone on time. But hey, that's the future! For now, please enjoy, "United Breaks Guitars!"
Shane Gericke would be very grateful if you bought his new book, TORN APART, when it launches worldwide on July 6. And if you were of a mind, you could also buy his second book, CUT TO THE BONE, and his first book, BLOWN AWAY, as it'd be a shame to ignore them like you do your wormy kid brother when he makes those fart sounds in church. Visit him at www.shanegericke.com