Friday, August 13, 2010

Some Bouquets for the Dumshit Author

By Shane

I hate to brag about myself.

Fortunately, I have no problem letting beagles do it.

Or these nice people who read TORN APART and sent me unsolicited comments. Here are several. Not one word was changed, and none are from the friends I pay to be nice to me:

"I loved it! Wow! What a roller coaster ride! It contained every emotion. Not too many stories bring tears to my eyes. Oh and the action, I couldn't put it down once I finally started it. Shane is as good as any veteran thriller/mystery writer out there."

"I expect that as with the first two books, the bad dreams will subside in a month or two."

"Jesus, Shane, but you do have the fucking best blurbs in the world! Deaver, Child, Gerritsen, Spindler, Bruen ... impressive as hell."

"loved it loved it loved it....what a terrific book!!!!! can't wait for the next ..have read all three!!!love your characters.....poor hawkins..loved him too!!!"

"I can't get over your amazing ability for writing so that when it's read you feel like you are there."

"I finished Torn Apart!!! OM! It was GREAT! I felt like I was right in the story with these people. I think my blood pressure was sky high at times and my heart racing a mile a minute along with my temples pulsating! Shane....YOU ROCK"

And, just in case I was starting to feel, you know, good about myself:

"You fuckin' think you can write? HAH! I read your piece a shit book and I can write circles around yoiu. I just don't have the time cause I WORK for a living like a man. HOpe you didn't quit your real job dumshit cause you are SHIUT as a writer."

Ah, the glamour of publishing.


Here's why newspapers should not try to be hip for the young'uns:

"We're TheMash, the Chicago Tribune's weekly paper and website written by teens, for teens. Pretty sweet, huh? We think so. But listen up: This here's a special issue. We won't always be stuffed into the Sunday Chicago Tribune. (Although we see you, travel section--wassup? ;) And scoot over, Jewel-Osco ad, you're creasing us!) ...


Maybe "Fo shizzle" was taken.


This video moved me so damn much that I'd have choked up if I weren't manly like the guy above. Proving once again that some of the best advertising on the planet is saved for public service announcements, not paid ads:

Happy Friday from me.


Sophie Littlefield said...

I love the beagle "love you's"!! I have to go teach Dog to do that. (right now she is eating a milk carton.) There's nothing like a beagle to cheer a person up - or destroy their productivity. Every five minutes i have to get up and go see what she is eating - and then go to the store and replace it.

Shane Gericke said...

Isn't that just the cutest thing? Beagles are the most wonderful animals in the world. And scary smart, which is why they get so merrily disruptive!

Joshua Corin said...

I think I may be inspired to write some shiut tonight. And if any of my admirers come knockin' and I want to get rid of them, I guess I'll be forced to let the shiut hit the fan.

Bill Cameron said...

I can't think of anything more delightful than being called a "dumshit" and a "shiut writer", except perhaps having a beagle howl "'I love you."

Graham Brown said...

I love when the people attacking us can't even spell - that impressive. LMAO - at the post and Josh's determination to go write some Shiut tonight. I we we should all do that.

Also - that commercial was fantastic - I honestly choked up for a sec. Good Find. I'm going to wear my seat belt from now on - in case I run into any Shiut.

Whitewing said...

Thank you for the doggie greetings and thank you twice for the seatbelt blurb. It is absolutely beautiful.
Every sixteen year old male person should see it daily.


Rebecca Cantrell said...

Thanks for a great post, Shane! That seat belt commercial made me tear up, just like you said. Life's not all cheese whiz, I guess.

My cats never meow I love you. It always sounds like NOW (with feed me implied).

I will now follow Josh and Graham and try to write some shiute myself.

Shane Gericke said...

Shiut Happens!

Thanks, all--I wear my shiut with pride. Reading that mail left me gasping for air, laughing so much. I love attack mail. It's so much fun imagining their tiny little heads exploding from bile backup.

That seatbelt commercial affected me like no other commercial has in a long, long time. Dunno why, exactly, but it did. Glad I could share with y'all.

Shane Gericke said...

Oh, and Jeri, delighted to see a blog reader weighing in from Canada. My wife and I spend a week in Vancouver recently, and loved it. Can't wait to go back.

Yes, every 16-year-old male should see the seatbelt commercial. 54-year-old males, too :-)

Terry Stonecrop said...

"Shiut Happens!" LOL!

Love the beagle! I've had two, one as a child. The male, a stud, the female, a chow hound.

The ad was a tear-jerker but good.

Gabi said...

"I work for a living LIKE A MAN."
The women of CM would like an address, please.

The beagle is good. Him you should pay.