Friday, August 27, 2010

Eat. Pray. Belch.


By Shane Gericke

Longtime readers know I'm a coffee hound. Owwwwooooo!

But coffee, much as I love it, is not comfort food. Comfort food has to be oozy and gloozy and thick and soft, and dance in moonbeams with fat and/or sugar glowing as if irradiated. Its job is to comfort, not nag as do veggies and fruit and egg whites.

I try to eat mostly naggy foods these days, to keep my do-lap from overdoing. But when the sirens Sugah and Phat cannot be denied, here are a few comforts I tear after like Blagojevich spotting a TV camera. Give me strength . . .

SWEET RICH ICE CREAM

How can you not mentally orgasm over digging into a bowl of the creamy frozen treat? Particularly the high-fat kind? (Even better, frozen custard, the true nectar of the gods.) This lady knows exactly what I mean:



I particularly love vanilla, mint chocolate, and spumoni. Separately, not mixed. Gotta keep those flavors separate.

OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES


Not the crunchy kind. The chewy: Thick. Soft. Delicious. (See above video.)

DEEP-DISH PIZZA



While I do like New York pizza--thin, crunchy, foldable-to-eat-it-one-handed--the true pizza fan adores Chicago pizza. It's several inches thick and stuffed to the gills with cheese, tomatoes, meat, green pepper, onions (the vegetables properly sauteed in olive oil, not just thrown on raw, thank you) and more cheese. Every slice is a meal. A full pan will put you in the hospital cause it'll spill out your ears. As all good comforts do.

CHOCOLATE CHIPS

Just handfuls of chocolate chips from the bag. Instant sugar rush, and your mouth vibrates if the chips are high-end chocolate. Yum!

POTATO CHIPS

Jays or Crunchers only. All other brands are meek. My faves have the perfect balance of oil (i.e., lots), salt and potato, and some of the chips are folded around themselves in double and triple layers. I treasure those four-leaf clovers of folded potato goodness, cause when you bite into them, you get kazipple million little crunchlets.

MILK

Because of my manly visage, you thought I only guzzled Scotch and sulfuric acid? Ha! I looooove milk. Even skim. (Even though it's kinda blue, if you look closely.) But it must be COLD. Preferably just above freezing. There is nothing worse than room temp milk. Except flat soda pop. That's worse. But just barely.

AND ... BACON!

Yesterday, Bill 'splained the glory that is bacon, and I cannot think of anything to add. Except that I love it so, even that scrawny stuff you get at the free breakfast buffet at discount hotels. And, bacon spawned one of my favorite commercials ever, which explains so much how I feel about the glory that is bacon:



And finally, my true writing-time fave. It's portable, lasts forever, and it's easily stashed in my desk drawer, where the ol' whisky bottle resided when I worked at the newspaper. (Things DO change.) It's heaven in a waxed wrapper, and I present:

THE MOUNDS BAR



Love it, love it, love it. Rich, moist coconut enfolded in dark chocolate. Two pieces in every package, and I can stick an entire bag in my bottom desk drawer, where the whiskey bottle went in my old newspaper days. Mounds bars don't need refrigeration like ice cream, or heating like pizza. Instant gratification. Nirvana--

(Belch.)

Sorry.

But it was so comforting . . .

When Shane Gericke isn't sitting around comforting himself--with food; get yer mind out of the gutter, you--he's writing crime thrillers like TORN APART, which Suspense Magazine just proclaimed "one of the top books of 2010." Read more at www.shanegericke.com, where you can eat all the pizza and ice cream you want cause it's digital and you won't gain weight.

17 comments:

Joshua Corin said...

So I tried to grab the oatmeal raisin cookie you posted, but I ended up knocking over my monitor. What am I doing wrong?

Kaye Barley said...

You've made me hungry!
As I sit here eating my low fat yogurt . . .
Favorite foods here are milk & cookies, and pizza. Usually not together though.
Oh, and ice cream.
and chips.
and butterfingers.
and anything Italian.
and Mexican.

Kaye Barley said...

and hamburgers.

Meredith Cole said...

I love mounds bars, too. I found a version at Trader Joes that was absolutely amazing (although they did need refrigeration). Since I was born in Chicago, I know I should prefer deep dish pizza, but I think I lived in New York too long.

Okay, I simply must go get some coffee and eat something unhealthy. This blog made me really hungry.

Sophie Littlefield said...

it's been so much fun to see what everyone's faves are. I'm with you on the Chicago pizza. I've missed that so much. Time was I could eat an entire Giordanos myself. Now if I did that I'd have to lie down for a week.

Shane Gericke said...

Josh, wasn't that a great photo? So real! A pity it tastes like a video monitor. I know; I tried.

I hear your pain, Kaye ... I had my low-fat yogurt this morning. Pizza is godly.

Shane Gericke said...

Meredith, I confess to a sneaking admiration for NY pizza. I've been in Chicago all my life, and we're pizza snobs. Then my flight got delayed a couple years ago at LaGuardia--I was shocked, shocked--so I cracked my book and got a slice, preparing to dislike it. Long story short, it was great. So I ate it and ordered another. Considered a third, but then the plane wouldn't get off the ground. I still like Chicago deep-dish best, but you NY'ers do pretty damn good too.

I know what you mean, Sophie. Days long gone I could eat an entire Uno's by myself. Now I'd be sick for three days. Sigh. Where did our youth go? Well, mine anyway; you're still youthful.

Oh, and Meredith, Trader Joe's? Cool. Gotta check that out. Though refrigeration might pose a problem. My comfort candy needs to be instantly available, and my fridge IS a whole 27 steps from my writing office ...

Shane Gericke said...

Mmmm, Kaye, burgers. I forgot about those. But you actually have to construct them and that takes too long when I'm in the mood for comfortin' :-) Hence, Mounds bars ...

Graham Brown said...

Shane - you are a multi-media experiance unto yourself. Must say - had to watch SEXY ICE CREAM a few times.

My comfort food when writing is....wait a minute I don't have one. WTF?

Rebecca Cantrell said...

Loved the post, Shane! I, however, adore NY pizza more than Chicago. Now I can't eat either (wheat, yeast, AND tomatoes, the trifecta), but lordy do I miss 'em.

Congrats on TORN APART being named one of the best books of 2010. With news like that you don't need comfort food. You need celebration food...

Bill Cameron said...

Beggin' Strips make a cameo in my next book. :)

Shane Gericke said...

Thanks, Graham, and I know the feeling: I had to watch the video several times to make sure it set the correct tone for the piece. Fortunately, it did. Then I watched again just to make sure.

Cool, Bill! That commercial rules! At least in my head. I burst out laughing every time I see it, and it's been a few times. The new version isn't nearly as fun.

And Rebecca, poor thing, you hit the trifecta of not-eatin'. Allergies are a buzz-kill, that's for sure. I'll have to get Jerrle to bake you up more of those flourless peanut butter cookies. And reserve a few more myself.

And thanks for the kudos on the kudos. I was surprised and pleased to see that "best book" jazz tucked into the review. Naturally, I shall flog it for all it's worth.

Shane Gericke said...

Oh, and Graham, I wish I could do scratch-and-sniff on this blog. Think of the possibilities!

Then again, think of the awfulness that could ensue ...

Gabi said...

Remind me to buy you a double scoop at Baskin Robbins the next time I see you. I always wanted to personally witness that Meg Ryan moment in When Harry Met Sally.

A true milk drinker drinking SKIM????? I'm telling the dairy board. Yikes.

Shane Gericke said...

Gabi, you're on for that Baskin-Robbins. If only to hear you say, "I'll have what he's having."

I'd rather drink whole milk. But I drink a lot of it every day, and skim helps keep my boyish figure.

As does pizza ...

Gabi said...

Life is short and Oreos deserve better. Whole milk. It does a body good.

Kelli Stanley said...

OK, Shane, now I want to ditch my organic spaghetti dinner for a meal of Chicago deep dish chased by a Mounds bar. Thanks, darlin. ;)

LOVE Chicago pizza, but where's the other Chi-Town favorite? The one, the only, the inimitable CHICAGO HOT DOG?

No hot dog on earth is as good as a gen-u-wine Chicago hot dog, complete with sport peppers and celery salt.

Makes spaghetti look like gruel ...

xoxo