Sunday, September 19, 2010

Fresh as a Daisy, Smart as a Whip

Gabriella Herkert

Catnapped and Doggone

Wall Street Journal, September 19, 2010

In a surprising move, Chief Executive Officer Christoper Robbins of 100 Acre Woods, Incorporated announced today that he was taking his highly lucrative Fortune 500 company private. The Wharton School of Economics graduate stated that his senior staff, particularly his head of strategic development, Owl, believe that by returning to their roots as a private company, 100 Acre Woods can focus on their new principle-based development strategy and move away from the shareholder-return concentration that publicly traded companies are forced into given the current market structure.

The Senior Vice President for Sales and Marketing, Tigger, insists that if any company can change its stripes, its 100 Acre Woods. Tigger said he expected the company to bounce back strong with innovative new products designed for sustainability and limited environmental impact. The Chief Financial Officer, Rabbit, urged people to take a wait and see attitude and not jump to any conclusions. “The numbers, the numbers, they’ll speak for themselves but for now I simply can’t make predictions.”

Company spokesman, Piglet, said that 100 Acre Woods has been successful as a public company because of its people. “We’ll be even more successful as a private company because of our people. We’re like a family. Look at Kanga and Roo. They’ve been working in operations on packaging and transportation that doesn’t increase our corporate carbon footprint. Two generations committed to our group as a whole. We’d be nothing without each other and we’re everything with each other. We’re in this together and to me, that means everything is going to be just fine.”

After several unexplained disconnects while trying to reach, Winnie the Pooh, the Executive Vice President of Human Resources, we received a muttered “Oh, bother,” without being able to pose a single question. We are taking that as a “No comment.”

Messages left with General Counsel Eeyore were not immediately returned.
President Barack Obama has asked the 100 Acre Woods team to work with business and financial advisors to draft a new economic and moral model for the government. According to the President, "America Now" is epitomized by the teamwork, commitment to the environment and loyalty shown by this team. We can learn a lot from them. American business needs more honey and this group knows how to get it."
Thanks for reading and believing that what we learned in kindergarten can translate into very adult, and worthwhile, ideas and actions. The good ideas can always make sense in the here and now.


Meredith Cole said...

I love Winnie the Pooh, but I'm afraid since he's a bear of little brain, he may not make a great officer at 100 acre woods. But I love the idea of Eeyore being their legal council! So perfect since he always expects the worse...

Rebecca Cantrell said...

When you rewrite, you rewrite, Gabi! Great post!

Rabbit is the perfect bean counter, Piglet the perfect spokesman!

Let's hope we get more 100 Acre reforms going.

Gabi said...

Winnie works HR because he's not the intellectual rocket scientist of the team. And, as a recruiter, he's proven worth his weight in honey.

Gabi said...

Like you, I hope this 100 Acre team will have a lead by example political impact. We know they'll never cancel the annual picnic for the rank and file to pay executive bonuses - that's a start.