Monday, October 18, 2010

It was all completely justifiable...

Good day. I'm Buddy Feehly, attorney for Enforcer Alexandra Sabian, and I'd like to begin by saying the charge of corruption leveled against my client are outrageous. She puts her life on the line everyday to protect the vampire community of Jefferson, Mississippi and has given over twenty years of her life to the Federal Bureau of Preternatural Investigation. To even think someone of her caliber could be capable of committing these crimes is, well, preposterous.

Now, let's hear your questions...

Ah, yes. She did disobey a direct order from a superior office. We won't deny that. However, those orders were counterproductive to course of this particular investigation. If Enforcer Sabian had followed those directions, countless vampires could be dead right now.

Well, yes, she did bite a non-donor human, which is serious crime under vampiric law, but she didn't swallow. And, in all due fairness, said non-donor human was actively trying to Enforcer Sabian.

Contamination of a crime scene? Surely, you jest? It was more like preservation of a crime scene! If Enforcer Sabian hadn't stopped those men -- despite great personal risk, I might add -- the evidence garnered from that scene would've been destroyed.

Assault on a junior Enforcer? Uh...well...she did ask him, politely, to move out of her way. His subsequent injuries are a direct result of his own foolishness, in my opinion.

Yes, I agree the death of one suspect, much less two, is always unfortunate, but Enforcer Sabian can't be held responsible for those deaths. After all, she was--

Well, yes, she was present but I hardly see where--

Now that death was most unfortunate and is a clear case of self-defense. What was Enforcer Sabian to do? Her partner had just been shot before her eyes and a vampire brutally murdered--

There is no way Enforcer Sabian could've known that vampire was already deceased when that stake pierced his chest!

Damages? What damages?

Enforcer Sabian has already offered to pay for the replacement of the plate glass window shattered during the apprehension of the suspect at Jefferson Memorial Hospital.

As you can see, my dear ladies and gentlemen, despite my client's admittedly unorthodox methods, there is little evidence to support your claims that Enforcer Sabian is some sort of a rogue vampire cop. There are extenuating circumstances surrounding each of these incidents you're presenting as "evidence" of corruption. Why, if anything, Enforcer Sabian should be awarded a medal for her years of outstanding service to the Bureau.

Now if you have no further questions for my client, she and I will bid you good evening.

1 comment:

Gabi said...

Is vampiric not swallowing similar to Presidential candidate not inhaling?