Sunday, October 3, 2010

Tempt Me


Gabriella Herkert

Catnapped and Doggone

Temptation, thy name is Man. As one of the few unmarrieds on the blog, I’m dying to find out if my hitched since forever colleagues actually cop to “the list.” You know the one. The list of names negotiated with the prenuptial agreement that all parties agree are I-love-you-honey-but-really-gotta-go irresistible hook-ups. From what my friends tell me, these are mostly real people, albeit celebrities who are highly unlikely to ever be panting in proximity. Then again, that’s probably what poor Mr. Simpson thought about his wife Wallis’ list. But ball and chain notwithstanding, we’re sticking to the fictional making the list absolutely unattainable. Darn it.

Let’s start with James Bond. Any straight woman who tells you he’s not on her list is a big, fat liar. Now, we don’t all agree on the portrayer but the character - fearless, intelligent, adaptive, experienced. Oh yeah. We want him. My personal preference is Daniel Craig but I can see the allure of all but George Lazenby. I just don’t get that one. Sadly, that is the best book and includes the only time Bond ever actually commits to a woman. Then again, I’m not good with the day to day and the allure might be tarnished by the dirty socks on the floor. Better stick to the oh so bad Daniel Craig as 007.

I only have one word for Janet Evanovich: Ranger.

For years, Jonathan Kellerman’s Dr. Alex Delaware was my dream man. He ran. He liked dogs. He is wicked smart and secure enough in his masculinity to have Milo Sturgis, a gay man, as his best friend. Having lived in the world for a while, I know that takes a real man. He’s not the brawler or the fast on the gun guy. He’s a thinker. A problem solver. A guy who recognizes that everyone is good and bad and sometimes all you can do is try to make it a little better. Plus, he spent time trying to help kids and families at risk. A little altruism is a lot alluring. In recent years, Dr. Alex’ sex appeal has waned for me a little. It’s probably me but when he didn’t fight for the woman he loved, well, that’s more understanding than I want in a guy. I know it’s a fine line between standing up for yourself and stalker but I need a fantasy man to show a bit more tenaciousness.
Harlan Coben’s Win Lockwood. For a night. It’s all he’d go for any way (he has rules) but I think it would be worth the ride despite the obvious damage to my reputation. Maybe that’s the sort of thing I shouldn’t share with a significant other.

Last but not least, Nick Naler from Christopher Buckley’s brilliant Thank You For Smoking. Nick makes no attempt to justify or defend his positions. He logically explains why he’d be a lobbyist. He calls ‘bullshit’ on hypocrisy in politics, corporate culture, health care, child rearing, pretty much everthing. He sees himself and others without judgment or a personal narrative that pretties up the reality. Plus, he can’t smoke any more (a deal breaker for me). He’d talk me out of my clothes and I wouldn’t even know how it happened. He’d outmaneuver me intellectually, then make me laugh at the absurdities of life without feeling personally diminished by them. Smart, brutally honest about himself and others, charming and sincere – yep, I’d have to go there. Running.

Thanks for reading and giving me a chance to spend a little time with my favorite men.
Gabi

14 comments:

Meredith Cole said...

Love the list, Gabi! Seems to me that you're looking for a (fantasy) man who looks good in a bathing suit, is dangerous (although not to you), is kind to dogs, and is tolerant of others. Sounds good to me!

Gabi said...

Meredith,
If you throw in laughs at my jokes, you have just described Mr. Perfect. Or rather Mr. Imperfect and therefore fascinating and irresistible.

Shane Gericke said...

Every guy I know fits this description to a T, Gabi. If only in our minds ...

Rebecca Cantrell said...

Shane: Or what passes for that...

Gabi: Great post! I was hoping we'd get a chick posting with a seriously hot list. Daniel Craig as Bond for me, although I liked him better in Defiance.

Gabi said...

Rebecca, once again, I'm dressed in whorehouse red in church. I thought for sure you'd at least join me in the impure thoughts stocks. Daniel Craig is good in Defiance but he's not in a swimsuit. Maybe I'll be in irons awhile. Join me anytime.

P.S.
You're my first pick for the Dodgeball team.

TracyK said...

I loved Nick in Thank you for Smoking! I think the best scene is when he's on Oprah and turns the whole interview around.

Gabi said...

Tracy,
There's something about Nick's handshake with "cancer boy" that just has me shaking my head and thinking 'I need to meet that guy.'

TracyK said...

I agree! But then I tend to feel that way about most of Buckley's characters. Which means, I guess, I feel that way about Buckley!

Sophie Littlefield said...

was just saying this weekend that i'm a roger moore gal. doesn't matter who they get in the future - a thousand Bond Guys could never change my mind.

Shane Gericke said...

"Whorehouse Red" sounds like a fingernail polish favoured by Our Sophie and her literary agent, The Awesome Barbara.

Did I mention I like red?

Gabi said...

Tracy,
I'm with you. Buckley rules!

Gabi said...

Soph,
I can see you as a Bond girl. I think any of them would be thrilled so you'll get your first pick for sure.

Gabi said...

Shane,
Sophie can wear that particular hue in her guise as Bond girl.

Kelli Stanley said...

Gabs, you rock--this is some list, and I've got to agree with you about Daniel Craig. All the whining "he's too short, he's too blond" etc. etc. went straight out the window once the trailer for Casino Royale came out. After the swimsuit scene the comments were more like "Sean who?" ;)

I'd love to see Daniel play Arcturus. Or Russell Crowe. If you haven't seen Robin Hood ... make sure you do!!

xoxo