Catnapped and Doggone
Temptation, thy name is Man. As one of the few unmarrieds on the blog, I’m dying to find out if my hitched since forever colleagues actually cop to “the list.” You know the one. The list of names negotiated with the prenuptial agreement that all parties agree are I-love-you-honey-but-really-gotta-go irresistible hook-ups. From what my friends tell me, these are mostly real people, albeit celebrities who are highly unlikely to ever be panting in proximity. Then again, that’s probably what poor Mr. Simpson thought about his wife Wallis’ list. But ball and chain notwithstanding, we’re sticking to the fictional making the list absolutely unattainable. Darn it.
Let’s start with James Bond. Any straight woman who tells you he’s not on her list is a big, fat liar. Now, we don’t all agree on the portrayer but the character - fearless, intelligent, adaptive, experienced. Oh yeah. We want him. My personal preference is Daniel Craig but I can see the allure of all but George Lazenby. I just don’t get that one. Sadly, that is the best book and includes the only time Bond ever actually commits to a woman. Then again, I’m not good with the day to day and the allure might be tarnished by the dirty socks on the floor. Better stick to the oh so bad Daniel Craig as 007.
I only have one word for Janet Evanovich: Ranger.
For years, Jonathan Kellerman’s Dr. Alex Delaware was my dream man. He ran. He liked dogs. He is wicked smart and secure enough in his masculinity to have Milo Sturgis, a gay man, as his best friend. Having lived in the world for a while, I know that takes a real man. He’s not the brawler or the fast on the gun guy. He’s a thinker. A problem solver. A guy who recognizes that everyone is good and bad and sometimes all you can do is try to make it a little better. Plus, he spent time trying to help kids and families at risk. A little altruism is a lot alluring. In recent years, Dr. Alex’ sex appeal has waned for me a little. It’s probably me but when he didn’t fight for the woman he loved, well, that’s more understanding than I want in a guy. I know it’s a fine line between standing up for yourself and stalker but I need a fantasy man to show a bit more tenaciousness.
Harlan Coben’s Win Lockwood. For a night. It’s all he’d go for any way (he has rules) but I think it would be worth the ride despite the obvious damage to my reputation. Maybe that’s the sort of thing I shouldn’t share with a significant other.
Last but not least, Nick Naler from Christopher Buckley’s brilliant Thank You For Smoking. Nick makes no attempt to justify or defend his positions. He logically explains why he’d be a lobbyist. He calls ‘bullshit’ on hypocrisy in politics, corporate culture, health care, child rearing, pretty much everthing. He sees himself and others without judgment or a personal narrative that pretties up the reality. Plus, he can’t smoke any more (a deal breaker for me). He’d talk me out of my clothes and I wouldn’t even know how it happened. He’d outmaneuver me intellectually, then make me laugh at the absurdities of life without feeling personally diminished by them. Smart, brutally honest about himself and others, charming and sincere – yep, I’d have to go there. Running.
Thanks for reading and giving me a chance to spend a little time with my favorite men.