Monday, December 20, 2010

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS...


'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house


All the creatures were complaining, even parrot Ralph

I had grand plans of rewriting the entire Clement Moore poem to reflect what Christmas Eve would be like at the Pollack homestead, but I haven’t written a poem since The Midnight
Ride of Goblins and Ghosts (with apologies to Paul Revere and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow) back in junior high. I think I pretty much used up all my rhyming chromosomes on that one. So you get the first two lines in rhyme and the rest in prose.

Last month I told you what a typical Thanksgiving would be like for Anastasia Pollack, the reluctant amateur sleuth of ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY GLUE GUN (book 1 of the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mysteries series from Midnight Ink) since her fall from Middle-classdom. Sadly, Christmas will be a lot worse.

Christmas, when you’re a kid, is all about presents, but there won’t be any presents under the tree this year for Nick and Alex. Hell, there won’t even be a tree. Christmas trees cost money, and money is something Anastasia doesn’t have much of ever since her dead louse of a spouse cashed in his chips and left her with debt up the wazoo.

Anastasia will reluctantly lug the boxes of Christmas decorations up from the basement and decorate the house, but her heart won’t be in it. A festively decorated house that might be lost to foreclosure at any moment feels too much like one of life’s great kicks in the posterior.

No, Anastasia will deck the halls and every single room, right down to the bathrooms, with lights and tinsel and assorted Christmas kitsch mostly because she knows how much it will irritate the communist curmudgeon-in-residence, otherwise known as her mother-in-law.

Now you might think by reading this that Anastasia is one mean-spirited, nasty bitch. Nothing could be further from the truth. Those adjectives more aptly apply to said mother-in-law, the woman driving our normally sane, glass-half-full kind of gal completely bonkers. As far as Anastasia is concerned, it’s time to dish the atheist a bit of payback. Not exactly the proper Christmas spirit, but this year is anything but a traditional Christmas.

So I’m letting Anastasia release her inner bitch. If anyone ever deserved a break from being a Goody Two-Shoes this Christmas, it’s Anastasia. She’ll make a New Year’s resolution to play nice. Whether she keeps that resolution or not? Time will tell.

ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY GLUE GUN, the first book in the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mysteries series will be released in January and has received starred reviews from both Publisher Weekly and Booklist. If you’d like to learn more about Anastasia and the commie curmudgeon, you can read the first chapter at http://www.loiswinston.com and visit Anastasia at the Killer Crafts & Crafty Killers blog.

8 comments:

Graham Brown said...

By my thinking if you're on the nice list year round - you must have a few markers saved up to act naughty. And they;re probably like vacation days - use them by the end of the year or lose them - so I sat good for Anastasia for being bad.

Ironically my word verification for this is "GLURIZ" Hmmmm..... how does it know?

Kelli Stanley said...

I think it's perfectly appropriate for Anastasia to let it rip, Lois. And in the meantime, congrats on the reviews and have a wonderful holiday! :)

Lois Winston said...

I like the way you think, Graham!

Thanks, Kelli! I'm still pinching myself over those reviews. Happy holiday to you, too!

Reece said...

I agree with Graham and Kelli. It sounds to me like Anastasia has ample justification, so she should let it fly with both barrels! And congratulations on those wonderful reviews!

Lois Winston said...

Thanks, Reece!

jenny milchman said...

I can't wait to meet her "in person" Lois. She is someone's kind of gal...and sounds like she doesn't do anything that isn't deserved!

Lois Winston said...

Ah...thanks, Jenny!

Shane Gericke said...

Let it rip indeed!