Monday, March 7, 2011

Ladies and Gentlemen.... The Stupids!

What real crime fascinates you the most and why?

It would be easy for me to say that all crime fascinates me, which is true. While I understand why crime occurs, I don't how a human being can do something "evil" to another human, if that makes sense. I also don't understand crimes committed against animals. As I said, it's easy for me to say I find it all fascinating because I do want to understand why, as supposedly intelligent beings, humans haven't moved past the hit each other of the head with sticks stage even though we now use the 21st Century version of the stick.

So what crimes truly grab my attention and don't let go? They are what I like to call The Stupids. We've all seen the videos of bungled convenience store robberies or read news articles of shoplifters who try to smuggle the strangest items out of stores. Here are few examples of The Stupids:

Not the brightest bulb in the box. First, why steal a chainsaw? Second, why shove it down your pants? The logic -- or lack of -- boggles the mind. Another example would be these guys:

Do I really have to say anything about that last video? What were they thinking? Oh, wait...I forget, they probably weren't. Speaking of thinking, here's someone else who is apparently a little light in the though processes:

Who knew Bob Sagat's name could be used in such a way?

Yes, the dumb criminals are entertaining and more than a little frightening when you really think about it. But they never cease to amaze.

- Jeannie

Jeannie Holmes is the author of the Alexandra Sabian series about an FBPI Enforcer charged with policing the vampire population of Jefferson, Mississippi while navigating an ever-increasingly complicated person life. Jeannie fears spiders, large bodies of water, and bad weather, which completely explains why she moved from the backwoods of southwestern Mississippi to the Alabama Gulf Coast. She lives with her husband and four neurotic cats.


Meredith Cole said...

It's too bad we can't use any of the really stupid criminals and crimes in our books, Jeannie. Unfortunately they get caught right away (so it would be a very short book!).

Jeannie Holmes said...

We may not be able to use them as the focus of the story, but surely we can pepper them in for a little fun. :)

Jenna said...

I like the one about the guy who was trying to break into someone's house through the garage, but he got stuck there, and then he had to subsist on dogfood for a couple of days, until someone came home and realized he was there. I think he sued afterwards. The burglar sued the homeowner, I mean. Takes all kinds.

Some of these stories are kind of like Terry Pratchett and the worst thief in Ankh-Morpork.

"He doesn't look so bad."

"That's what I mean. He's the worst. As in, not very good at it."

Gabi said...

Successful, talented and what were they thinking?

Jeannie Holmes said...

Jennie -- That reminds me of the guy who robbed a store, was caught on security cameras, and then called the police when his face was plastered on TV. He told them it was him but he didn't actually rob the store. Even though the security camera caught him doing it. Someone is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. :)

Jeannie Holmes said...

Gabi -- I think the argument can be made here that they weren't thinking.

Rebecca Cantrell said...

A chainsaw down the pants? Lordy, lordy, lordy. I can't wait to here what Shane has to say about this one. :)

Great post, Jeannie!

Jeannie Holmes said...

Becky -- I fear what Shane will have to say about that one.

Michael Wiley said...

A very nice post, Jeannie. I live in Florida, aka Land of Weird Crimes and Criminals with Sun-baked Brains. I'm not sure that we've ever had anyone fall through a ceiling three times during a single robbery, though.

Joshua Corin said...

Those are always a hoot. Thank God for the Darwin Awards and the Ignoble Prizes.

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

When I first saw this topic, I knew someone would write about stupid criminals. It's a natural. They never cease to amaze and astound. And I feel a little more secure knowing that a lot of criminals are THAT stupid.