Tuesday, March 8, 2011

There are crimes and then there are crimes

First off let me say if you haven't seen Josh's piece on Real Hustles you are missing something deeply interesting. And if you haven't seen Jeannie's post on Stupid Criminals you are missing some of the funniest video I have ever seen.

So feel free to skip my post and scroll down.

In case your still reading - I will digress from the sublime to the ridiculous

Dumb criminals there are - but not to be outdone we have some seriously dumb laws.

Here - direct from the site dumblaws.com are some of the most ludicrous laws in the country.

In Alabama - Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or sex will face five years in jail. So... how do kids get made out there?

In Alaska - It is legal to shoot bears, but not to wake one up in order to take its picture.

In Arkansas things are not looking so good for women, but they put in a law to make it better - it says: A man may legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. Well that ought to take care of it.

In Miami - It is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown. - based on the last time I was in Miami this one is not working. Just saying.

In Natoma KS - it is illegal to throw a knife at anyone wearing a striped shirt. Note to self - leave solids behind when traveling to Kansas.

In Portland Maine it is Illegal for a man to tickle a woman under the chin with a feather duster. - Boy they really know how to party in Maine, don't they?

Missouri on the other hand considers drunkenness an "inalienable right" - YES!!!

In New York City it is illegal for a man to turn around and look at a woman "in that way" - this is why I never made it to the Thrillerfest dinner last year.

In Tennessee it is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. - Honestly - if you can catch a fish with a rope - screw the law.

In Texas it is illegal to milk another persons cow. - We call that something else where I come from.

In Virginia it is illegal to kick your wife out of bed - but if you move to Arkansas you can beat her once a month.

And in Seattle it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon greater than six feet long. Umm... if your concealed weapon is greater than six feet long... never mind.

And finally in the great state of New Mexico it is illegal for a woman to ride horseback down a public street with a kimono on. - Oh come on! we have to have some fun in this world.

Hope you guys have enjoyed this post -

Have a great day - see you at Tucson Festival of Books.


Meredith Cole said...

I love that the Miami law specifies a "strapless" gown--and doesn't rule out all evening gowns...

Occasionally lawmakers do attempt to clear off the ridiculous laws off their books--but most of the time they just don't want to be associated with them.

Thanks for sharing, Graham!

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

Graham, thanks for the great laugh! I'm buying a kimono and headng to New Mexico to rent a horse. I'll be riding it in your honor.

Suzanne Arruda said...

I wonder if the criminals in kansas wore those striped shirts so you weren't supposed to try to kill them? I mean - that makes no kind of sense otherwise. A hawaiian shirt I could understand. Great post

Reece said...

Great post, Graham. And I agree with the great state of Missouri that drunkenness is an inalienable right.

Rebecca Cantrell said...

I'll take pictures, Sue Ann, but I won't wake you up first (covering New Mexico and Alaska).

Suzanne: You know that you are tempting me to wear an Hawaiian shirt on our panel in Tucson now, right?

Thanks for a funny post, Graham. I now have a burning desire to put a person who can lasso a fish into a story.

See you in Tucson!

Graham Brown said...

Meridith - I thought that was interesting too - maybe it is a fashion thing.

Sue - let me know when you're going to be there it wi;ll be great publicity.

Graham Brown said...

Suzanne - I thought the knife throwing/striped shirt thing might have to do with the circus - maybe the strips get the knoife thrower dizzy and he actually hits the person by accident.

Graham Brown said...

Thanks Reece.

And Becky - what I didn't tell you is Tucson apparently has a law that says women are not allowed to wear pants.

Rebecca Cantrell said...

Great. Now I have to repack.

Maybe I'll just break that law and see what happens. It'll be a lot easier to explain that I was arrested for wearing pants than to explain that I was arrested for NOT wearing pants.