So there’s a killer on the other side of the bathroom door – what do I do? Answer: I use one the only weapon available to me – the fact that I’m a writer.
KILLER (voice muffled slightly by the bathroom door): So, you gonna come out of there or what?
ME: Why, so you can kill me?
KILLER: Well, yeah.
ME: Of course, that’s what you do, isn’t it?
The Killer doesn’t seem to feel that the question requires a response. I can hear him using some sharp metal object to pick the bathroom door’s simple lock.
ME: Listen, maybe we can work out a deal here. You know that I’m a writer, right?
KILLER: Oh yeah? What’ve you written?
ME: A legal thriller, “The Insider.”
KILLER: Was it published in hardcover?
ME: No, mass-market paperback.
I hear the Killer going to work again on the door’s lock.
ME: Wait a second, will you? I need a killer for my next book. All of us mystery and thriller writers need killers. Maybe I could use you.
KILLER: So you’d make me a character in your book?
ME: Sure, why not?
KILLER: I’d want to be the main character – like Hannibal Lecter or Dexter.
ME: That’s not the sort of book I write. How about a recurring character? Primary villain.
KILLER: Would there be a possibility for a spin-off?
ME (not exactly lying): There’s always that possibility.
KILLER (after a long pause): Okay, I’m sold. My agent will be in touch.