Thursday, April 7, 2011

Picking up the pieces

by Michael

Joe Kozmarski – who will make his third private-investigatory appearance in A Bad Night’s Sleep (releasing from St. Martin’s Press on June 21, not that I’m excited about it or anything) – is many things to many people, but smooth is not one of them. He’s never cared much for the nightclub scene or the kinds of romantic encounters that spring from it. He likes bars, but the siren call that attracts him the most strongly when he’s in them comes from the whiskey bottle – not the potential partner-for-life who sits on the stool next to him.

Not that he avoids love. Just the opposite: he loves love, can’t get enough of it. It’s just that he’s not very good at it. He tries, though . . . and over the years, with various women and in various places, he has developed a list of pick-up lines that he likes, even if they rarely work.

Here are five of them:

1. “I’ve got a seventeen-year-old Buick Skylark with a heater that still works.”

2. “That was the best shooting I’ve ever seen.”

3. “I’m not sure, but I think your vibrator just turned on the garbage disposal.”

4. “Faking it is okay.”

5. “Always lie to me.”

Joe likes these lines well enough that he even recommends them to lovelorn friends. Most of those friends no longer talk to him.

A longer list of Joe’s lines appears on my website:


Reece said...

Nice job, Michael! I especially like line number 2 -- a relationship based on a mutual interest in firearms may not last long, but it's probably going to be interesting.

Rebecca Cantrell said...

Ah, the old vibrator in the garbage disposal line. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one...well, I'd be broke.

The working heater, OTOH, I've actually heard. For the record, it was not enough.

Michael Wiley said...

Thanks, Reece. For Joe, the relationship probably will last a while: it has extended through three books thus far and if the publishing gods allow will extend through more.

Michael Wiley said...

The vibrator in the garbage line actually ends a potentially romantic moment in BAD KITTY LOUNGE -- no surprise to Joe . . . and no surprise to me.

As for the heater line, which Joe will try out in A BAD NIGHT'S SLEEP, well, there are worse lines around but also a lot better.