Today's question is not one I'm planning to take seriously. It's a dark question and conjures up all sorts of unpleasant scenarios. So ... let's stay on the light side. Let's talk about people (non-heavy-duty criminals) that we'd like to kill--if only momentarily--or at least make go away, like some Twilight Zone episode (except without the twisty ending where we repent our misanthropic desires).
Herewith is a grouchy top ten list of some of the most annoying people in the world ...
10. Automatic Robot Voices Named Cheryl (or something). OK, this isn't a person, and I'm not sure if it could be killed, but I'd like to pull the plug on all those automated voices that make you tap dance through a menu for half an hour before ever, ever reaching a live human being.
9. People who smoke in public places. If I'm at a bus stop, it's because I have to be, not because I'm a public transportation groupie. Breathing second-hand smoke from someone who thinks being outside means he can light up like a chimney makes me crazy. If I want second-hand smoke, I can go back to 1940 and breathe Miranda's, thank you very much.
8. Car stereos that make your internal organs tremble. I think there's an inverse ratio between IQ and bass level in car stereos. Oh, yeah, dude, I'm so impressed.
7. People who say "like" too much. Like, it's like, and he was like ... where was I?
6. People with Bluetooth headsets or earbuds who walk around smiling and talking to themselves. What, they can't hold a damn phone? Or do they just like to think they're Secret Service?
5. Tailgating drivers. DO NOT try to make me move my car any faster, just because you think life is a video game. I only go slower when I'm pissed. And say hello to the nice Highway Patrol officer I'm calling on my cell.
4. Litterers. I think anyone who throws their garbage out a window or on the street for other people to clean up needs to wear one of those little orange jump suits for at least six months while scouring toilets at the local Denny's. While wearing ankle chains.
3. Unhelpful "customer service" agents. We've all met 'em. They make life miserable for us when we need to call ... and make "Cheryl" seem much more palatable.
2. People who text and drive. See #8 about IQ ratio.
1. OK, this one I'm leaving blank for you to fill in. Who's your number one irritation? Who have I left off on the America's Most Unwanted List? Comment already--you'll feel better!