Saturday, September 17, 2011

10 Things Heard in the Bar at Bouchercon

By Reece Hirsch

I’m going to follow Kelli Stanley’s lead this week and duck our assigned question. Instead, I’m going to indulge in a little wish fulfillment and imagine that I’m at the bar of the Bouchercon conference hotel in St. Louis this weekend, schmoozing with a bunch of my favorite writers and friends. And if I were at that bar, here are a few things that I might overhear:

1. “My agent says that because my last book didn’t sell, I’m going to have to publish my next book under another name. In fact, it was so bad that she says that my wife and kids are going to have to change their names, too.”

2. “At every panel at Bouchercon, there’s always that one guy in the front row who wants to explain to everyone during the Q&A how self-published e-books have killed traditional publishing. I know it’s not always the same person, but it feels like it’s the same person.”

3. “If I had Barry Eisler’s hair, I would rule at the Romantic Times convention this year.”

4. “Forget biorhythms. I never feel better than when my Amazon rating spikes.”

5. “My next book is a stand-alone, but it could also be the first book in a series. It’s a mystery, but it has thriller, paranormal and dystopian elements. It’s the Swiss army knife of books.”

6. “I’m going to be so hung over for my panel tomorrow morning. If I throw up on Laura Lippman, I’ll never forgive myself.”

7. “I’m writing a YA noir. With the economy and the environment in the toilet, kids are going to need to understand earlier than ever that life is bleak and unjust.”

8. “My cover art looks like it was drawn in poo on the bottom of the monkey cage at the zoo. And not by a smart, Rise of the Planet of the Apes monkey. No, I'm talking about the other monkeys.”

9. “For my next book, I’m doing a virtual book tour. I’m going virtually nowhere.”

10. “After four or five stiff drinks in the bar at Bouchercon, this whole publishing business starts to make sense to me."

15 comments:

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

Thanks, Reece. Your post makes me feel like I'm in St. Louis in the middle of things. In fact, I think I overheard these same comments last year in San Francisco. My fav is #10, with #9 and #2 running close behind.

Reece said...

Thanks, Sue Ann! I think everyone can agree that the Bouchercon bar is always the best part of the conference.

Sunny Frazier said...

I must be more of a barfly at LCC Sacramento. I'm obviously missing all the quotable comments.

Reece said...

I'll see you there, Sunny!

Daisy said...

And, of course, "Another of the same for me, bartender. Just put it on Mr. Child's tab."

Reece said...

Well played, Daisy!

Marja McGraw said...

Wish I was there! Great comments.

Reece said...

Thanks, Marja. I wish I was there, too!

Michele Drier said...

I think the bar is the best part of any conference. People let more out and cut to the chase. I've never been able to afford Bouchercon, so thanks Reece, now I'm there in virtual reality with you, which is primarily my reality these days anyway.

Kat Hinkson said...

Great bar scene. I wish I was there too.

Reece said...

Michele and Kat -- Thanks for stopping by. Writers and drinks just seem to go together ....

Paula Petty said...

Wish I was there. Maybe next year.

Rebecca Cantrell said...

Thanks, Reece! Now I feel like I was able to attend after all.

I think you nailed it!

Maybe next year we can hear it in person...

Reece said...

Becky and Paula -- I'll see you both at B'con next year!

Stephen L. Brayton said...

Some great lines. Thanks!