What a fun assignment!
Here are my retitled classics:
1. Avast, Sperm!
3. 1lb. of Flesh
4. Look, Dude, Satan's Upside-Down!
5. Thinking in Russian & More Thinking in Russian
6. The Phony
7. Monsieur Cuckold
8. Bye-Bye, Weapons, Bye-Bye!
9. The Idiot, The Suicidal, The Bastard, and the Maid
10. The 289-Page Masturbation Joke