Thursday, March 22, 2012

Life at Thirteen

By Michael

(1) What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

The kid who wanders the hall between class periods and lights a Bic under the butts of classmates who are standing at their lockers. Also, having to explain the scorch marks on my jeans to my mother.

(2) Where would you like to live?

On a mountainside in Colorado by the side of a waterfall, next door to Kim Basinger.

(3) What is your idea of earthly happiness?

Long John Donuts from the German bakery on a Sunday morning. Kim Basinger.

(4) What fault do you most indulge?

I’m thirteen, so I try to indulge every fault equally and thoroughly.

(5) Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?

This year I’m reading mostly nonfiction, especially the True Case Files of the FBI. Hoover interests me less than Ma Barker’s sons and Al Capone.

(6) Who are your favorite characters in history?

Kim Basinger.

(7) Who are your favorite heroines in real life?

Ma Barker (as an anti-heroine). Kim Basinger.

(8) Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?

See answer to question #5.

(9) Who is your favorite painter?

Picasso. Or Francis Bacon. Or Edvard Munch.

(10) Your favorite musician?

I’m in that sweet middle ground between the Beetles and Black Sabbath.

(11) What quality do you most admire in a man?


(12) What quality do you most admire in a woman?

Kim Basinger-ness.

(13) What is your favorite virtue?

See answer to previous question.

(14) What is your favorite occupation?


(15) Who would you most like to be?

I’m having a hard enough time just being myself to want to be someone else.


Redsequin said...

This is funny and made me smile. Thanks!

Michael Wiley said...

Thanks, Redsequin. Thirteen is tough.

Reece said...

Here's a movie that I bet you'd pay good money to see -- Kim Basinger as Ma Barker. Nice post, Michael!

Gabi said...

Hormonal and obsessed in pre-puberty, were we?

Are you still trying to explain scorch marks?

From our side, speed never was a virtue of man.

You make me laugh. And crave donuts.

Michael Wiley said...


Had I thought about that as a thirteen year old, I would have been in real trouble.

Michael Wiley said...

Ah, of course: there's good speed and bad speed, Gabi. Not that the fact occurred to this thirteen year old.

And had I been asked to include two more virtues, I might have added hormonality and obsession. At age thirteen, I didn't think these were bad things.