Okay, this is easy:
- A one hundred-ton silver bean lies in the heart of this city.
- One would think that a city with a bean in its heart would be soft, but not this city: Carl Sandburg called this city “the hog butcher for the world.”
- If you described this city as soft around the time that Carl Sandburg called it “the hog butcher for the world,” Al Capone probably would have shot you between the eyes.
- If Al Capone didn’t get you, John Dillinger would.
- Unless Dillinger was at the movies at the Biograph Theater in this city, which is where he was when he got shot to death.
- Dillinger wasn’t watching The Blues Brothers, though the movie is set in this city.
- Nor was he watching When Harry Met Sally (also set in this city) because he didn’t like chick flicks (which he thought were soft), though he might have been convinced to attend a chick flick had it been Valentine’s Day.
- But not if it was the day of the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre, which occurred in a garage in this city.
- This city is a friendlier place that it once was, though it’s still a city of broad shoulders (that’s Sandburg too).
- Now, you’re unlikely to get killed by either Al Capone or John Dillinger, even if you’re hanging out at The Bean.