What Olympic sport would Channing Hayes excel at?
He’s a stand-up comic, a denizen of the night. Right off the bat, I think we can safely eliminate all outdoor activities.
He performs alone, so we’ll ditch all the team sports.
He doesn’t much like water. No swimming or diving.
He gets motion sickness (a little, from time to time). Out goes indoor cycling.
Channing is not a strong man, and he really only gets physical when his life—or someone else’s life—is in danger. Add to that a low threshold of physical pain, and we can eliminate weightlifting, judo, taekwando, wrestling, boxing, and any other sport where you can get hurt. (He can take heckling, just not broken bones.)
Channing is about as limber as lumber. Gymnastics? Hah! Trampoline? Not hardly (Can you say splat?).
What does that leave? Badminton, fencing, and table tennis. Channing has smarts and quick reflexes, so any of these sports might fit. Let’s dig a little deeper.
Channing doesn’t look good dressed in all white, so there goes fencing. And badminton? Nah, just on principle.
So table tennis it is.
Too bad there isn’t an Olympic Beer Pong team. Channing would be the gold medal favorite.