8.00 am Hi, Mrs. Kiely. I’m
at your house. I saw your note on the door and let myself in. I just wanted to
tell you again how excited I am to be working with you. I love your books and
am so thrilled about your movie deal! See you soon! All the best, Marie.
8.30 I thought I might have
missed your response. You have a dog! And he’s so energetic! And big! And fast!
He really loves to retrieve things, doesn’t he? It took me twenty minutes to
get my phone out of his mouth. Best, Marie.
9.03 Sorry to bother. I just
met your cat. Another surprise! I am usually really good with pets, but, um,
does he usually sit on your desk and stare at people like that? It’s a bit
unnerving. He doesn’t seem to like me. Please let me know what you want me to
do. I’m ready to work. Thanks, Marie.
9.15 Where do you keep your
Band-Aids? Your cat really doesn’t like anyone, does he? Marie.
9.30 Hi, again. More
surprises! I didn’t know you had kids! I just met your daughter. She is lovely!
And she wants breakfast – French toast to be precise. I guess you are running
late, so I just wanted you to know that I’m taking care of it. See you soon!
Marie.
10.15 Another Kiely! I wish you had told me you had a sixteen-year-old! I thought a grown man had broken into the
house. You can deduct the cost of the dishes I threw at him from my first
paycheck. Are you getting my texts? Please let me know. M.
11.00 Hey - I just found a
prescription bottle of zanax for your dog. You don’t really give your dog
zanax, do you? M.
11.13 I just gave your dog
the recommended maximum dosage. M
12.45 pm Hi again. Your
youngest son is now up. That’s it, right? It’s just the three of them? No more children
lurking about upstairs are there? I gather he’s not a morning person – even
though it’s well past noon. I made
him some French toast, too, but he didn’t want that. I finally figured out from
his grunts and gestures that he wanted cereal. Your daughter says you call him
“the angry guest in Room 3.” I can certainly see why. Please let me know when
you are coming! M.
1.30 Hi. Your kids are
fighting. Loudly. From what I can tell, it’s over who can sit in the “flowered
chair.” But I don’t think I have that right because there is another chair next
to it that seems identical. Could you please call me soon? M.
2.30 Your youngest son can’t
find his shoes. Or his toothbrush. He
also said something about going “mando,” but I didn’t ask for details.
3.45 Seriously. What is the
deal with the cat? He’s freaking me out. Is he allowed to take the zanax? Where
are you?
4.30 Mrs. Kiely, I just got
a call from a hotel in London,
confirming your reservation for tonight. They said you are staying with them
for two weeks. This is a joke, right? Please tell me that you didn’t hire me to
baby-sit your kids and your crazy pets for two weeks! THIS IS NOT RIGHT!
9 comments:
this reminded me of that scene in the extras of The Incredibles when Kari is home with Jack-Jack. i loved it!
Oh, I love that part!
Excellent post! And a great idea to boot.
Ah, London... When your assistant is done at your house, can she come to mine?
No, Meredith, Tracy's assistant is coming to my house next! My pets are sweet and I have no kids. She'll love it! Then again, I do have tons of laundry and household chores that need attention. I hope she knows how to fix shorts in light fixtures. And I'd like my bedroom painted. Then there's the few dozen attorneys at the office who are always in need of something or other. (Tracy, she does know the difference between articles of incorporation and a subpoena, right?) And forget London, I'm heading for a spa with cabana boys that look like Joe Manganiello.
I vote to make Marie the administrative assistant for the entire CM team.
Movie deal? Did I miss something? Tell all!
Hysterical post. I laughed out loud. Thanks for that :)
Great post, Tracy! And, movie deal??? Did I seriously miss something?
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