Friday, July 19, 2013

Revenge of the Chopped Liver

by Sue Ann Jaffarian

I certainly hope when I'm murdered I'm wearing full make up, have clean hair, and wearing something nice.  Even better, I hope my body is staged by the killer into some attractive pose, perhaps with a big bouquet of flowers draped across my chest. I want to look my best for Jesse - Jesse Stone, that brooding hunk of masculinity created by Robert B. Parker and brought to life by the yummy Tom Selleck.

Odelia Grey: "Jesse Stone? Are you freaking kidding me?"

Granny Apples: "Yeah, what are we, chopped liver?"

Emma Whitecastle: "Sue Ann, I am so disappointed in you."

I turned away from the computer to find the three fictional sleuths from two of my own mystery series glaring at me. "So what's wrong with Jesse Stone? I mean, look at him!"

Granny:  "I think Sue Ann's having one of them senior moments."

Odelia: "Senior moment my fat ass.  She's throwing us over for eye candy, and not even for young eye candy. This guy's almost as old as Granny."

Granny: "Just because I'm a hundred-year-old ghost, Odelia, it doesn't mean I'm old. I was much younger than you when I died."

Emma: "Ladies, bickering among ourselves won't solve this problem."

Me: "What problem? I simply have to pick a fictional sleuth to solve my murder. That's the topic this week."

Emma: "Really, Sue Ann, it never occurred to you to pick one of us?"
Granny: "I'm tellin' ya, it's one of them senior moments."

Me, pointing at the photo at the top of the post: "But it's Tom Selleck playing Jesse Stone! Surely the three of you can see the attraction."

Granny: "I say we go on strike in protest."

Odelia: "She has my next novel due soon and a novella with both of you due right after that. A strike might be just the ticket."

Me: "Now, now, calm down. No need to do something we'll all regret."

The three of them glared at me. Odelia had a hand on one thick hip. Granny tapped one of her booted toes on the carpet. Emma had her arms crossed in front of her and wore a  deep frown.

Emma: "What's it to be, Sue Ann? Jesse or us?"

Me: "This is blackmail and I won't stand for it."

Granny: "Okey dokey, a strike it is. This is gonna be fun!"

Odelia: "I can't wait to see how much help Jesse is on that new novel of mine you're writing. How many weeks before it's due again?"

If you were murdered, which fictional detective would you want on the case?

Why my own creations, of course!  Granny Apples, Emma Whitecastle and Odelia Grey would be the perfect sleuths to catch my killer. I didn't even have to give it a second thought.


Mark Baker said...

LOL. Way too funny. Although I'm a little surprised Granny at least didn't see your side of the argument.

Meredith Cole said...

Nice save, Sue Ann! Whatever you do, don't make your fictional sleuths angry...

Annette said...

I can totally understand the appeal of Jesse Stone. Just sayin'...

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

Thanks, everyone, for stopping by. Just hoping I've averted that strike!