Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Dialogue With A Crime Writer

Host: This is my friend. She's a crime writer.

Guest #1: A crime writer? Like, for the newspaper?

Crime Writer: No, I write mystery novels.

Guest #1: Oh. Like Agatha Christie?

Crime Writer: Yeah.

Guest #1: I love Agatha Christie. I have this plot idea I've always thought would make a great novel. I'm not a writer, though. Hey, if you like, I'll give it to you, and you can write it, and we can share the profits.

Crime Writer: Thanks. I'm not looking for a plot right now. I'm in the middle of a project, no idea when I'll start another one. But I can recommend some great writing classes so you can write it yourself.

Guest #1: I don't want to write it myself. I'd rather give it to someone else and just reap the profits.

Crime Writer: You could always hire a ghost writer. That's what they do.

Guest #2: So is it true that all writers are weird? You hole up in your office with a bottle of cheap whiskey and don't come out for months, until your book is done?

Crime Writer: Yeah. Pretty much. Except I come out to get more whiskey.

Host: No, that's not true at all. We see our crime writer friend and her husband for dinner all the time. She doesn't drink much at all.

Crime Writer: Okay, I lied.

Guest #1: I can just give you the plot. I think it's so good. I want to see a book with this story in it. I don't even mind not taking half the profit.

Crime Writer: Oh, thanks, but writing isn't really like that. The story comes organically from my imagination.

Guest #3: Exactly. I've always said that. I'm going to write a book one day, but I haven't been hit by my muse yet. But I'm open to it. I started taking yoga. I figure it's not long before my channel will be open.

Crime Writer: Oh, that's great. When you start writing, let me know and I'll recommend some classes. It helps a lot to learn skills from the pros.

Guest #3: Oh, I don't believe in that. I think you either have talent or you don't.

Crime Writer: Maybe. I guess no one knows.

Guest #3: But you said the inspiration comes from inside you.

Crime Writer: It does for the first draft. But the edit stage is where skill comes in.

Guest #3: So I'll hire a good editor. I'm no good with grammar and stuff anyway.

Guest #2: I hear the suicide rate among writers and artists is really high. Is that because you guys are all super sensitive?

Crime Writer: Probably.

Guest #2: Have you ever tried to kill yourself?

Crime Writer: Not yet.


Susan C Shea said...

Hey, your guy and mine might even be the same one - he's shopping his idea to everyone. That way, if any of us have a plot even remotely like that, he can sue us! (LOL)

Gina Fava said...

Sounds like my inner monologue :)
Great post!

Robin Spano said...

LOL Susan, you're right. They sound very similar. I just checked in for the first time in a week (I'm traveling and pre-posted this before I left home). At least we can defend the law suit together and share legal costs.

Meredith Cole said...

I think we all keep meeting the same people at dinner parties... No wonder we're all supposedly driven to drink and have suicidal tendencies!

Alan Orloff said...

Do you think it's different people, or just the same guy that is making the rounds, pestering writers?

Vicki Delany said...

Great post, Robin.