Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Foot Free & Care Loose - RM Greenaway

This week I’m scrambling. I have till April 30 at midnight to get my last-chance edits done on Book IV, and I’ll be chipping away at it till 11:59. I’m also writing a blog for my publisher, along with this post, and prepping for an eight-hour drive to Vancouver, with two events in the works there, and since I’ve got fears about public speaking, that’s like a little cloud over my head. I’m starting to sweat about getting Book V written by deadline, and my income taxes are behind, as always. I haven’t been making much money as I have no time for my day job, and haven’t had time to read a good book either. I’m worrying if people like my work, if my publisher will keep me, if I’ve hurt anybody’s feelings, if I’ve made any major mistakes in past books, why I’m so bad at marketing, and how I’m going to keep the backstory subtle and supple enough not to interfere with the stand-alone feel. My relationship is teetering and I’m taking St. John’s Wort to ward off depression. Plus I’ve just discovered my son’s house has ghosts.

The only thing I don’t worry about lately is writing. I flee into my books. I love my books--at least till I run out of time to edit them, and they go out there to be printed, read, and judged. Then they just seem... well, not so good. 

What is the matter with me?

I remember in the days before publishing, sitting out in the spring sunshine with a glass of wine, being happy. I remember road trips, and camping with the kid. Or sitting on the doorstep dangling string for the cat. Smiling at people with no ulterior motive.

But it’s just one of those days, where the bags aren’t packed for tomorrow’s trip, and I have a nagging feeling I’ve forgotten something important. Otherwise I am grateful as can be. I love that my dream of getting published has come true, and I’m not doing too badly, and getting a lot of super positive comments from readers. I love the challenge and the non-stop excitement, and I even love the fear, which tells me I’m alive and well. 

But.... now and then I do yearn for those carefree spring days of twirling a forsythia sprig in my fingers and wondering where to go next. Still, if I don’t pull up my bootstraps and stay on point, I may end up doing just that again, and regretting it.


Paul D. Marks said...

There was something carefree about our pre-writing days, RM. But it's so long ago I hardly remember it :-) . Good luck with your edit!

Susan C Shea said...

RM, I hope to can take a few moments to breathe. This sounds like a high stress day for you. Dorothy Parker supposedly said, "I like having written but I hate writing," or something like that. We all get those times when we like writing, but hate all the rest of it! The juggling isn't fun but a glass of wine and the scent of a spring blossom is in your future.

RM Greenaway said...

Thankyou! - I think I over-emoted there - have arrived at destination, edits submitted, all good :)