Sunday, September 13, 2009

RSVP for Murder

Gabriella Herkert, Catnapped and Doggone

A murder is announced and will take place on Friday, October 29th, at Little Paddocks, at 6:30 p.m. Friends accept this, the only intimation.[i]

Let’s face it. No one threw a dinner party like Agatha. Could you resist sending an RSVP to this soiree? I couldn’t. So taking a page from her book and flipping through my imaginary contacts list, I have come up with the perfect event.

I shall begin with the menu. Forget for a second that anyone who eats anything I have “cooked” probably deserves the life threatening case of botchulism they will surely get but that’s an issue for the emergency room long after my guests have departed. Let’s start with pre-dinner drinks. I’ll be serving amaretto in ruby Steuben glassware. I think the delicate aroma of almonds and the weighty hand-sized projectile will set exactly the right tone for the evening. Puffer fish mushroom canapes to follow. They’re a little underdone but it’s so hard to get my oven to heat evenly. Let’s use the hand crafted china. The glaze is cracked but I think it gives the set a unique vintage feel, don’t you? For our main course, I decided to stick with an expert beef preparation. I know my guests will think that I went overboard in the expense but I found a real bargain from this ranch in Alberta. I love a special, don’t you? Finally, the piece de resistance. Death by chocolate, what else? Sadly for me, I’m dieting.

Now dress will be formal. Think Gosford Park with the rich gowns and the elegant tuxedoes. If we’re going to do this, we have to do it right. I’ve already got my outfit picked out. It’s a grecian gown in blood red with a rope tie. The stilettos are sharpened to a fine point and the handbag is big enough to carry anything I might need during the evening. I checked. Even the silver candlesticks fit with nary a bulge.

Ah, the guest list. Yes, it will be the hottest ticket of the season as it is only an intimate gathering of four so I must choose wisely. Naturally, I will sit at the head of the table with my back to a wall and facing the only entrance . To my left, Dexter. Good looking, well-educated and he has a way of looking at the world differently than the rest of us that I find so refreshing. To my right, George Smiley. Yes, he’s older and perhaps a little staid on the outside but his travels, his wide circle of fascinating friends and even his little office job make for many a good story. Across from me, Simon Wiesenthal. I know he’s not a literary character. I know he’s not your typical sleuth. But every dark thing that has ever been written, well, he’s seen first hand. Brilliance comes in non-fiction, too.

These guys are way too smart to fall for any easy tricks. They won’t snarf the food or split up to search the basement while creepy music plays in the background. They won’t run, either. They won’t let a little danger deter them. They’ll show up, alert, aware and awesome. I expect everyone to go home hungry, thirsty and full of great stories and isn’t that the dinner of my dreams?


[i] From Agatha Christie’s A Murder Is Announced.


♥Jen♥ said...

Gabi, I think you and I attended the same cooking school...oh right, I never learned how to cook! LOL I use a similar caveat if anyone ever eats anything I make. Mostly I open and heat, though! ;)

And your attire is perfect, although with a bag that big, it might pull me over on the sharp stilletos! I'm not very coordinated on spiked heels. O.k. I admit it, I'm not very coordinated on any heels! Oy. Maybe I better stick to being the wait staff! ;)

Very fun. Lovely choices! Wonderful party!

Sophie Littlefield said...

I just realized that I own a bridesmaid dress ugly enough to be potentially deadly. And the matching shoes nearly killed me - anyone remember those dreadful Dyeables?

♥Jen♥ said...

Oh indeed I do remember them, Sophie. Had a pair for at least one prom! Ha! And I have a bridesmaid dress like that, too...might not fit into that thing anymore, though! Yikes!

Shane Gericke said...

Botulism ... is that a Greek dish or Italian :-) Very nice writeup, Gabi. I shall wear my black tux, but only if Sophie will be on my arm in her feet-abrading bridesmaid's gear.

Gabi said...

At my last party, I served cold cereal. No kidding. At first, people couldn't decide if I was kidding, then they just went with it. I mean, you can check the expiration date on the milk and Count Chocula never goes bad.

Gabi said...

I once lost an "ugly bridesmaid dress" bar contest in an orange and black monstrosity I wore to a Halloween based wedding. I am horrified to admit it was the only one of the 12 (yes, an even dozen), bridesmaids dresses I "could actually wear again." Does every adult woman have a couple of those moments caught on film?

Gabi said...

Why is it even the bad men end up looking like James Bond? It's so unfair...