Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Fall of Sean “Fo Nuff” Ferrell and Dan “Danny K” Krokos

by Bill

You may notice something about today's blog. First, it's not by Kelli, even though it's her turn. And second, it's not by me, even though I asked her if we could go tradesies this week. That's because it's by my pal Harley May and it's in honor of a really awesome book which is about to be released. Numb by Sean Ferrell isn't a crime novel in the strictest sense, but it does explore a mystery, and it does so with humor and pathos and a lot of damn fine writing. It's a book I think everyone should read, because I think everyone will love it.

I'm going to turn things over to Harley, who will explain to you how you can win a copy of Numb for yourself.

Hi, everyone. My name is Harley May and I’m very thankful to Bill for letting me use his slot here at Criminal Minds. I am a wife, mother, avid reader, and writer of all things YA. Recently, I won an ARC of Sean Ferrell’s debut novel, Numb, coming from Harper Perennial August 2010, and wrote a review of it on my blog.

I thought of a giveaway involving the following photos:
  • A man who drives nails through his body for profit.
  • A lion fight.
  • A man on fire.
All three scenes are from Numb and if you’d like to learn more about the novel (I think you will — it is brilliant) head on over and check out the contest.

Unless you include the Nancy Drew series, I’d never read anything in the crime/mystery genre until Bill’s Day One. Result? I am now a big fan. So, seeing as I’m a fan of Bill Cameron, Sean Ferrell, and their books, I wrote a tiny bit of fan fiction in honor of Sean’s book release. There’s some Dan Krokos thrown in for fun.

Here is a tale that began one dark and stormy night.

The Fall of Sean “Fo Nuff” Ferrell and Dan “Danny K” Krokos

Bill Cameron, stage manager to the Caucasian Duo, ushered the pair on their tour bus. They could still hear the pelting of metal on stage and the boo’s of the crowd as they drove away.

Dan rubbed a spot on the back of his head. “I think that was a coke can that hit me.” He glared at his rapping counterpart. “Why’d you just walk off the stage, Sean?”

Sean didn’t reply.

“You know he doesn’t answer to Sean anymore. I believe it was the lack of Evian available back stage.” Bill pulled an orange peel out of his beard. “I didn’t eat an orange today. Was that from the crowd?” He noticed a box on the floor of the bus. “Ooh, your action figures came in.”

Bill tore into the cardboard box and pulled out several Ken-sized replicas of Danny K and Fo Nuff in their performance apparel.

Dan stared at Sean. “No one gives a shit whether or not you get your Evian before a show. There are two people in this group, Sean. Two.” He held up two fingers to Bill.

Sean picked up the action figures. He made the Fo Nuff doll beat up the Danny K one.

“He’s doing that on purpose.” Dan pointed his finger at Sean and looked to Bill for action.

Bill cleared his throat. “Sean…”

Sean kept his gaze on the action figures, sighed and shook his head.

Bill cleared his throat. “Sorry. Fo Nuff, the Caucasian Duo can’t survive any more of your outbursts. Half the venues cancelled after they heard about what happened in Tempe.”

Dan played with his iPhone. “Who throws a fit over one green M &M? I’m tweeting about this.”

Bill put a hand on Dan’s shoulder and whispered, “Let’s not do anything else to aggravate Sean tonight.”

Dan adjusted his pants. “I don’t care who he thinks he is, I’m not going to…”

Bill stopped him again. “I’ll go speak with him. You know he doesn’t respond well to anger.”

Dan mouthed, “Two people. Two”

Bill trekked across the bus aisle and sat down next to Sean on his monogrammed love seat. The trusty stage manager pat the pockets of his bedazzled hiking vest until he found the one he wanted. Sean looked up from his action figure fight expectantly. He knew what was coming. Bill handed him a piece of bacon.

Sean took a bite and chewed thoughtfully.

“You know Dan loves you.”

Sean nodded.

“We all love you. No one is out to get you. The Evian was a hiccup – nothing intentional. We don’t want to see this group come to an end.”

Sean took another bite of bacon, and put a gloved hand in front of his face. He waved it back and forth. “I’ve got the money right here.”


Bill shot Dan a warning glance over his shoulder. He handed Sean another piece of bacon. “That wasn’t very nice. Why don’t you go over and talk to Dan. I hate seeing you two argue.”

Sean thought this over while he ate the second piece of bacon. Reluctantly, he stood. The dangle of bling from his neck swayed back and forth as the bus jostled him. He neared Dan’s seat, paused, and looked at the Danny K action figure still in his hand. He began to undress the Dan doll and allowed a short giggle. He turned his back on Dan to show Bill. “Look, Danny K doesn’t have any—”

Dan interrupted Sean by tackling him from behind.

Now you all know the tragic story that ended the short-lived rapping career of the Caucasian Duo on that dark and stormy night.

Today, you can find the Caucasian Duo semi-successful in their everyday lives. Dan Krokos teaches martial arts to little old ladies at the Rec. Center. Sean Ferrell can be found whittling the words “Danny K + Fo Nuff 4 Eva” into every tree in Brooklyn. Bill Cameron has discovered a rewarding career in squirrel rearing. All three declined to comment.


Elisabeth Black said...

So going to call them Fo Nuff and Danny K. Always.

Linda G. said...

Okay, spewing my morning tea. Thanks for my first good laugh of the morning.

Now the question is not whether I will be able to think of Sean and Dan as anything but "Fo Nuff" and "Danny K" (that's a given), but whether I'll be able to see Bill in my tweet stream without thinking "squirrel."

Patty Blount said...

*sputter* *choke*
OMG. Priceless.

Squirrels. Bacon. Action figures.
*falls over*

Gabi said...

Squirrel Taming Bill? I can see it.


I'm never going to read any of these guys' books the same way again.

Harley May, has anyone told you you're deeply, deeply disturbed?


Bill Cameron said...

Gabi, now you know my secret.

Harley May said...

Thank you for reading everyone.

Yes, I've been told I'm disturbed and yes, I've probably gone too far.

Shane Gericke said...

I wanna hear more about squirrel rearing and bacon. Funny stuff, youse guys!