Friday, May 20, 2011

Who, Me?

Gabriella Herkert

Catnapped and Doggone

Truth and fiction. We spend all our time writing fiction most of which is true. It’s the classic write what you know. Recently a group of old and new friends threw me a going away party before ,I left for Austin. At one point, we went around the room and everyone told a ‘Gabi’ story. True stories. The kind that no stranger would ever believe unless they met me on the psychiatric ward of the local hospital. And yet…so here they are, the true and untrue Gabiisms. Good grief!

1. I once parked a US Army tank and then couldn’t find it later.

2. My sister and I threw my brother off a train station when he was too afraid to climb back down. He beat us home.

3. Before I was old enough to roll over, my sister painted my nose with fire engine red nail polish so we could play circus and I could be the clown.

4. I wore two left shoes to an all day job interview. They made me an offer.

5. I singed my eyebrows and eyelashes off on a wood stove two days before senior pictures.

6. I had stitches eleven times in one summer and was not a victim of abuse.

7. I have been arrested twice for loitering and once for vagrancy while researching my first book. No convictions.

8. I objected at a friend’s wedding and knocked the candle over in my haste to get to my feet. His family still thinks I’ve been done wrong.

9. I dated four members of the same soccer team over the course of a year.

10. I joined the Catholic church because they served Chipwiches instead of the Protestant grasshopper cookies.

Even I can’t believe some of the stuff I’ve done. And some of the things I still want to do.

Thanks for reading.



Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

My first inclination is to say it's all true because I could see each happening. But alas, I can pick only 5. Here are my candidates for truisms: 2, 3, 5, 8, 9

(BTW, if 9 is true, I'm very proud of you, girl.)

Gabi said...

You're 2/5 Sue Ann.

I'll admit I was worried that I'd be the one that everyone knew all the answers to right away. If I'd lost my air of mystery...sigh. Thank goodness I can still surprise.

Kim & Kyle said...

Ok, i'll take a stab: 1,2,3,5,9.

Graham Brown said...

My guesses on the truth:

#1 - because tanks kind of blend in - that whole camoflage thing.

#4 - because it just has to be true - I once used a black sharpie to polish my shoes before an interview - we do what we must

#5, #7 and I'm going to say #9 just because i want to hear the story. :)

Michael Wiley said...

Wow, these are tough, Gabi. I can see possibilities for all of them. But I'm going for the straight: 1 - 5 are true.

Michael Wiley said...

(And, by the way, the tank's in my back yard, and the engine's still running.)

Gabi said...

Okay, Kim, you got 2/5. I assume the stab was just an expression.

Gabi said...

You are also 2/5. It seems to be the consensus.

Gabi said...

You got three. If you have a tank in your back yard with the engine running, by the time you get out there the thing will have died. They only get about 2 miles to the gallon and with the current price of gas, what are the chances anyone topped off?

Kelli Stanley said...

Gabs, reading these just made me miss you!! :)

OK, I'm going with 3, 4, 5 (I grew up with a wood stove), 6 and 10.

And don't worry, you'll never, ever lose your air of mystery! ;)

Gabi said...

You got 3, Kelli.

I think you guys should play this same question next week even though it's not scheduled. I'd love to hear yours.

Kelli Stanley said...

I'm definitely up for that, Gabi-- though I'll be hard pressed to come up with such convincing half-truths and fictions! :)

Rebecca Cantrell said...

I know one of them, so I will abstain from choosing it and will only make 4 guesses.

#2 who hasn't?
#4I know how you are about shoes
#5 this one I've actually done, but not before class pictures
#8 it's too good not to be true

Gabi said...

You got 2 plus the insider 1 for three total.

Reece said...

Here are the ones I think are true:

1 (because it's too good a story to not be true), 3, 4, 5, 6. This was a tough one to call!

Gabi said...

You're 3/5 Reece.

Gabi said...

Ah, the big reveal.

1. Yes, I misplaced a US Army tank which was minor compared to the fact it wasn't mine to use. One woman's creative problem solving, is one pissy guy's insubordination.
2. That was Mom. I am not adopted.
3. Infant skin is too delicate for nail polish remover. I had to wait for it to wear off which it did long before I went to circus school.
4. Arthur Andersen before everyone went to jail for non-fashion felonies.
5. That was my younger sister. I was the one with two black eyes which were easier to retouch than no eyelashes.
6. Again, the same younger sister. If she weren't so small, the emergency room would have run out of thread while reknitting her.
7. No arrests although several very stern this is a bad idea lectures from paternalistic patrol types.
8. I still have nightmares about this one. I am their child's godmother, however, so all is well.
9. I rounded down in case my Mom is reading. There's a reason they call it the beautiful game and didn't we all have a shallow period?
10. Those Catholics lured me with flash. Even though I consider myself a Quaker now (oatmeal, anyone?), you can still find me at mass on high holidays. Love of Chipwiches never dies.

Thanks for playing.

Florine Gingerich said...

Dang it. I swear I had four.

Shane Gericke said...

I want to hear more about the Army tank! How did you get one? Were you in the Big Green? If so, can I call you Sgt. Gabi, Howling Commando?