Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Naked No More

By Tracy Kiely

Ummm… seriously, who came up with this one? I love that the topic isn’t “Tell us about an embarrassing naked moment,” but “Tell us about your most embarrassing moment.”

‘Cause, apparently, most people have several.

Except me.

Although, somehow, I’m not feeling left out on this one.

However, in keeping with the theme of “an embarrassing moment,” I will share the following tidbits from my illustrious past:

  1. Three days into my job at the American Urological Association, I had grown used to my husband crank calling me with silly questions. Therefore, when the male caller with the slightly muffled voice inquired about my thoughts on penile implants, I immediately shot back with, “Well, you know what they say - you can’t churn butter with a toothpick.” Unfortunately, the caller was not my husband.
  2. At a neighbor’s house, I joined (late) a conversation about plastic flowers. Laughing, I shared a story of a woman who had hung numerous baskets off her front porch filled with the plastic variety. As it turned out, the host had a similar arrangement out front. She did not join in my laughter.
  3. In church one Sunday, I heard the priest refer to Jesus as a Jewish carpenter. In a voice that could be heard all the way in the back row, I said to my mother, “Hey! I thought we were Catholic!”
  4. I had a great uncle who enjoyed his libations. A lot. One evening he called our house to talk to my grandmother. I answered the phone and then handed it to my father, saying, (again rather loudly), “It’s Uncle Frank. I think he’s drunk again.”

So, no naked stories. However, please feel free to share your own. Best story wins a copy of my latest book, Naked on the Streets, Murder Most Persuasive.


Gabi said...

You can't churn butter with a toothpick? I can't believe I haven't used that one yet. Naturally, I'll cite you directly.

It's never too late for a naked moment, you know.

Kelli Stanley said...

Tracy, you're the Dorothy Parker of us all. That toothpick line is immortal!!

Thanks for making me spit my coffee over my computer this morning!