Saturday, April 21, 2012

Eddie Munster, '70s-Era Paranormal Vigilante

Speaking of Eddie as Gabi wrote, I imagine Eddie Munster, the lycanthropic son of Lilly and Herman Munster hitting the road on his rebuilt flat head Indian motorcycle after he graduated high school in the early ‘70s. His older “ugly” cousin Marilyn had left home a few years before him after her boyfriend was killed in ‘Nam. She wanted to find her way in the world. Marilyn wound up in New York where it turned out many men didn’t find her gruesome at all but quite alluring. Her self-confidence restored, she eventually became the editor of a glossy fashion mag. She would always dutifully call or write home to the folks but hadn’t been in touch in the last month.

Eddie rides his motorcycle back east and begins asking around for his cousin at the magazine and a couple of coffee shops he knew she frequented in the Village from her letters. At first he’s stonewalled; told that Marilyn simply resigned one day saying something vague about going to live in the country. But he’s slipped a note by the shy Heather, who’d been Marilyn’s intern at the magazine.

They meet later at CBGB’s on the lower Eastside, catching the opening act by a ribald comic and street performer calling himself Jack Bump. Heather says there may be something funny going on at the mag. Off in a corner of the joint, she shows Eddie some picture proofs she smuggled out of some the upcoming layouts to run in the magazine’s special Halloween issue. She tells him they look normal to her but when Marilyn saw them she gasped and said she had to find out what was going on. With his enhanced senses due to his wolfish nature, Eddie can see certain demonic symbols and patterns that are meant to register sub-consciously on the brain. As the two leave they’re set upon by three toughs who are really ghouls. But Eddie is no slouch and calls on his wolf power to battle the three. He defeats them, but Heather is badly wounded.

Eddie gets her to the hospital then using his sense of smell, hunts down the photographer who took those pics – having met him briefly when he first visited the magazine. Indeed as he leaves the hospital as dawn breaks, the special issue of the magazine is being put out by newsies on their newsstands. It takes a few false trials, but Eddie tracks the photog, Helmut Ravenswood, to a secret lair below Times Square where he and his followers are about to sacrifice Marilyn to their evil deity. Enough of the magazines have been distributed and viewed, thus on a subconscious level, as the images are recalled by would-be models (who because of the bird-like diets and speeding on coke, pretty much can only think of the pictures they see in these magazines as this is what they’re striving to be) is a chant to aid in the demon’s return to our realm so it can enslave humanity.

A werewolfed out Eddie busts in, having scored a .357 in his sojourn in Manhattan’s underworld, blasting and rending his fangs on Ravenswood’s minions. It turns out Marilyn, who has gotten free, swings a pretty mean left hook – she is a young woman living alone in the Big Apple after all. The two heroes are about to be eaten by a minor demon Ravenswood has summoned but suddenly one of the walls to the lair bursts in and in come the tricked out Muster Coach driven by Herman Munster. Lilly and Grandpa, packing a bazooka, had driven out in the souped-up car as they were worried about Eddie and Marilyn.

The Munsters make quick work of Ravenswood – who Grandpa knows from the old country. As the lair burns, they exit in Times Square to a Halloween parade of ghosts and ghoulies. The Munsters blend in and join the festivities and saunter away as fire trucks can be hear approaching.


Reece said...

Gary -- I think you should be hired to reboot the Munsters franchise. You had me at "70s-era paranormal vigilante."

Gary Phillips said...

...and Michael Bay will direct it!

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

I love it! And I totally agree with Reece about you rebooting the Munsters franchise with this twist.