Friday, April 20, 2012

Little Acorns

Usually, I write my blogs a bit ahead of the calendar. This week, however, I've had a chance to read a couple of my fellow bloggers entries prior to putting fingers to keyboard. The Cleavers (is the name telling?) have made a lasting impression on several of us. Maybe it's time the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI scheduled a Nick at Night marathon training session. No one has mentioned Eddie Haskell yet, (showing the depths of the selection pool) but maybe because he was the most obvious choice. I do remember reading somewhere the actor who played the sniveling brown-noser grew up to be a police man. I don't remember specifically but I'm guessing Rampart division in LA or maybe New Orleans.

I'm wondering about the less than obvious fictional kids who might have lurking latent character flaws. Kitten from Father Knows Best, maybe. So sweet. So cute. Daddy's little girl. The neighbors probably talk about how nice she was. Baking cakes and going to sleepovers. Can't you see little Kitten as Serial Mom? Maybe it's the name. Can you overcome a psychic scar like becoming a thirty-year old referred to as a house pet? Wouldn't that explain a train wreck mug shot and a year's worth of TMZ headline court coverage? Poor Meatloaf. Not fictional and not a kid, but probably doomed. It might be time to pull his rap sheet.

There are others. Some are my favorite characters of all time. Anne Shirley of Green Gables fame. Could she be one of the bad seeds? If you take a look at her background, it seems like the ground might be fertile for development of abnormal psychology. Abandoned in childhood. Sent to live with strangers. Bullied in school. Getting her friends drunk at age 13. Red hair. You tell me. Should Anne's alibi be checked for major crimes committed on Prince Edward Island? Can we clear a few cold cases with the help of Lucy Maud Montgomery? It doesn't seem like a stretch.

How about Bennetts of Hartfield? Could this motley crew challenge the Beaver colony for dark shadow supremacy? Let's take an inventory. If these charming young ladies were hiding a dark side and we could pull the curtain back, what would we discover? Surprisingly, I can imagine the entire quintet as felons on a mission. Jane seems like the soccer mom hooked on ADD medication. Elizabeth feels more like the insider-trading in the quaint English countryside (Martha Stewart with a parasol) sort. Kitty could easily be the Winona Ryder of the family helping herself to ribbons and buttons gal and Lydia, well, Heidi Fleiss better look out. But my money for the real dark horse, the genuine don't turn your back sibling is Mary. A plain girl in a family of flowers spending her time pounding on a piano which fate can strip from her at a moment's notice when she isn't trudging her way through the moral quagmire of Fordyce's sermons. Don't you think this might be how Lizzie Bordon spent her youth? I, for one, would never accept a plate of boiled potatoes from Miss Mary Bennett. And I wouldn't turn my back.

I'm suddenly wondering how any of us survived grade school.

Thanks for reading. I hope you can still spend time with your favorites without being unnerved by their previously unrevealed shadows.



Gary Phillips said...

Actually Ken Osmond who played Eddie Haskell, was a decorated officer after being shot three times while chasing a suspect -- his bulletproof vest saving his life.

Gabi said...

If Eddie was the good guy (and your evidence seems like definitive proof to me), which one of the non-obvious characters was really the bad'un? You can never tell...

Reece said...

Now I'm sorry I called Eddie a budding psychopath in a comment earlier this week.

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

Like I said, it was the Beev with the dark side!

I am so loving this week's question!