Friday, November 2, 2012

Baby, Baby, Please Baby

by Gary

Well, my, oh my, quite an interesting question this week.  All very hypothetical of course.  Just in case my wife reads this.  Though, hey, maybe a bromance sort of thing might creep into mfantasizing  as well…and there’s nothing wrong with that.

As Pam Grier was truly one of my first cinematic crushes in movies like Coffy and Foxy Brown, on the prose side there was the rough parallel in the Dark Angel series of paperbacks in the ‘70s starring the sexy private eye Angela Harpe.  “She’s rich, ravishing and deadly – the newest sensation in detective-adventure!”  She was Phi Beta Kappa from Cambridge, had been a thousand dollar a night call girl, was an NYPD cop and had been trained in akido by the vaunted Master Ichi.  What’s not to love?  I’m sure even if I could journey back to my young 1970s self, I’d last less than five minutes in her hands before she either tired of me or beat the hell out of me --  but oh those five minutes.
There’s no way I can talk about a fictional fling and not mention the Black Widow – most recently personified by Scarlett Johansson in two of the Marvel Comics big screen efforts, the second Iron Man film and the Avengers.  Natasha Romanov is Modesty Blaise by way of Pussy Galore rolled into the superhero genre.  She’s a former KGB spy who became an agent of SHIELD who runs around in a skintight black leather outfit, swinging from the tops of buildings with the best of them on her grapple-line, dispensing kung fu like it was free lunch and disabling fools with her widow stings.  But sadly, she’s pretty much attracted to the über athletic derring-do types like Daredevil and the Winter Soldier, so really, what chance does a lowly chair-bound writer have?  But maybe if I somehow stumble onto some sort of secret formula, she’ll have to seduce me to talk -- I can only hope
There's also the Best. Bookish. Fantasy. Ever...The Nympho Librarian.  Heh.

Really though I know I’m going to be fatally attracted to women like my character Wilma Wells in The Jook, a brainy and beautiful lawyer who trips up my boy, pro wide receiver Zelmont Rains in her plan.  Or wind up like insurance man Walter Huff who gets tangled with Mrs. Nirdlinger in Double Indemnity.  “I decided to run over there.  That was how I came to this House of Death, that you’ve been reading about in the papers.” 
Like any chump in noir, I know better than to be taken in by these types of women, but I can’t help myself.  


Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

OMG! I want to BE Angela Harpe!!!! She's my new superhero.

Gary Phillips said...

Most excellent, Sue Ann.