Thursday, January 22, 2015

Hey, Get Off My Lawn!

by Alan

Have you ever tried to incorporate a popular trend (such as zombies or vampires) into your own work? Have you ever felt pressure to do so to increase sales/circulation?

Some people have referred to me as Mr. Anti-Trend.

To wit:

When bell bottoms and flares were all the rage (way back when), I would only wear straight leg pants. Five years after that, when straight leg jeans were in, I was sporting flares.

I do not own a smartphone (I refuse to get a phone smarter than me).

You know those skintight leggings that runners have been wearing for a decade? I don’t own any. Instead, I run in baggy sweatpants (the same ones I’ve owned for probably a decade). spinning

Don’t own any Apple products. My MP3 player is a Sansa.

I never rollerbladed or went to spinning class. 

I didn’t start watching Breaking Bad until the series had already ended.

I’m not on Instagram or Pinterest or Tsu or Reddit or StumbleBumble or whatever.

I don’t know the difference between a mocha, a macchiato, an espresso, a frappuccino, a cappuccino, a whatheheckuccino, a latte, and a flat white (although that last one sounds like the paint color I used for my wife’s dressing room). I think there’s coffee involved, right?

I still own luggage without wheels.

When I read a newspaper in the morning, I read a newspaper.

Sometimes I wear a watch on my wrist. One whose only function is to tell time.

In fact, I’m so untrendy I don’t even know what the current trends are!

I guess my answer to this question is obvious: No, I don’t write to any current trends. I write what I want, and figure if I like it, there must be someone else out there, somewhere, who might like it too.

Now, can anyone help me program my Betamax?


TracyK said...

Okay - this is why we get along. I too:
1. Still own Beta movies. Also a working VHS machine for my old movies.
2. Still read a newspaper. And do the crossword!
3. Wear a watch that is only a watch.
4. Order at Starbucks with "small, medium, large" vernacular.
5. As for the running pants, I don't know what those are. If you see me running, it means you should be too.
Yay, those oblivious to trends! I know my kids LOVE me for it!

Meredith Cole said...

Love it! I'm so pleased to have such un-trendy friends...

Catriona McPherson said...

Your wife has a dressing-room? said she who missed the point.

And YES to the coffee harrumph. I think there should be two queues: one for people buying coffee and one for people buying narcissistic dessert-in-a-cup

Aimee Hix said...

Liar! You knew about Flat Whites ... and those are the newest trend.

You're Mr. Trendy!

Alan Orloff said...

Tracy - How about an 8-track?

Meredith - Sometimes I think I'm so untrendy that I'm actually trendy.

Catriona - She has a dressing room and I have a chair to throw my clothes on. Seems fair, right?

Aimee - I had to ask my friends on MySpace about it.

TracyK said...

Um…swear to God my husband had the 8 track. Bruce Springsteen, The River.

Alan Orloff said...

And he played it over and over and over until the words got stretched out. Yep.

Dana King said...

I'm with you pretty much down the line, except for the newspaper (I read online) and mp3 player (I don't have one).

I'm so old school, I still write PI novels, pretty much knowing they won't sell. That's hard core.

Allan J. Emerson said...

Couldn't agree more about waiting until a series ends before watching it--wait til it proves itself, I always say. I'm looking forward to watching The Bob Newhart Show. (I understand he's got a new one called just "Newhart," but there's no need to rush into these things.)