Thursday, January 5, 2017

Hello, I’m Alan (Part I)

by Alan

bigheadMy name is Alan Orloff, and I’m a simple man. (Some might say simple-minded, but … )

I live in Northern VA and have lived in the D.C. suburbs for most of my life.

I have a terrific wife and two terrific kids. And a house. And a yard. And no pets, unless you count the deer (and other critters) who live in the woods behind us.

I try to keep in shape (run, walk, yoga, swim) and eat healthy (cake is a health food, right?). I watch TV (too much) and read in my spare time.

I write fiction.

Like I said, I’m a simple man.

Frankly, most people would consider my life as a simple man to be kinda boring (I do too, but I like it that way). Here are seven “interesting” things that happened to me, except one isn’t true. Can you spot the fib?

1) Met Poppa John at a local pizza store, and he comped me two pizzas.

2) Caught a 180-pound shark on a deep-sea fishing trip. When we cut it open, there was another shark inside it.

3) Made three emergency airplane landings, complete with fire engines barreling alongside the plane on the runway.

4) Was a contestant on the Disney theme park-version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Got eliminated on the $64,000 question. For my efforts, I got a nice golf shirt and baseball cap.

5) Appeared on Nightline as a person-in-the-street interview.

6) Learned to stack washing machines three high with a forklift (in a warehouse).

7) After my first book came out, I was part of an advertising campaign for The Writer’s Center, where ads with my picture appeared on Metrobuses (inside) and on a subway platform.


(Next week, in Hello, I’m Alan, Part II, I’ll relate why/how I became a writer. Talk about exciting!!)


Art Taylor said...

Fascinating post--and re-introduction.... though hmmmm, I thought I knew you well already, and yet all but ONE of your seven things here is new to me--and which is the fib?! I'm going to bet it's the three emergency landings--only because what are the odds of lightning striking that many times (so to speak)?

And hey, how come you're going to be up two weeks in a row? Either way, looking forward to Part II!

Alan Orloff said...

Oops, my bad. That should read, "In 2 weeks..." Thanks for playing ... I'll reveal the answer at the end of the day!!

Sherry Harris said...

I'm going with number one. Because cheese...

Art Taylor said...

Oh, yeah, Sherry.... Cheese...

Barb Goffman said...

I'm going with the shark story. I seem to remember the Papa Johns incident. Though now I'm wondering why Alan was at PJ.

Shari Randall said...

I definitely thought "cheese" on number one!

Karen in Ohio said...

Emergency landings, because, three?

Susan C Shea said...

Emergency landings, altho the shark inside was a close second! Grat waty to introduce yourself, Alan, but the picture? not so much. ;-)

RM Greenaway said...

I do NOT believe you're a pilot and that you made three emergency landings, because then where does boring come in? It's all very fishy to me.

Alan Orloff said...

RM - I should clarify. I was a passenger, not the pilot! And thanks to everybody for playing the guessing game. Check back later for the answer!!

Alan Orloff said...

I actually did meet Papa John himself at our local pizza place. Shook his hand and he comped me two pizzas. Of course, with my cheese phobia, I didn’t eat a bite—they were for my family and friends. But free is free!

I actually did make three emergency landings (as a passenger). So? Should you try to avoid flying with me? Or should you WANT to fly with me, because I’ve come through unscathed?

I actually was a contestant at Disney’s MGM Studio Park’s Who Wants to be a Millionaire? attraction. The set was just like the TV show, and I was a bit nervous in the hot seat answering questions in front of the 600-person audience.

I actually did appear on Nightline, back when Reagan was in the White House. The question was something about taxes. My answer was lame, but I looked pretty corporate in my suit and trenchcoat.

I actually did learn how to drive a forklift and stack major appliances in a warehouse. GE trained us engineers in case there was a strike in the warehouse.

I actually was one of four writers featured in a Metrobus/Metrorail advertising campaign for The Writer’s Center. Pretty weird when friends you hadn’t heard from in ages said they saw my face on a Metrobus!

NO, I actually have NEVER been deep-sea fishing, and I never caught a shark—let alone two!

Thanks for playing everyone!

Barb Goffman said...

I won! I won! What did I win? Come on, Alan. Make it something good.

Alan Orloff said...

Barb - Maybe a t-shirt with my face on it?

Barb Goffman said...

Ummm ... yay? ;)