Don't be like Ralphie | Good Query Letters

 What tips do you have to get your query letter noticed and pulled from the slush pile?

This week’s question reminds me of the scene in the movie A Christmas Story where Miss Shields, a 4th grade teacher, is going through a pile of horrible essays written by her students. Ralphie, the protagonist, believes his essay is so good that when Miss Shields reads it, she will pause, clutch her heart, and both her faith in humanity and the creative process will be restored.

No one told Ralphie that it just doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t work that way for class assignments, and definitely not with query letters. But we who have been through the querying process? We’ve made the mistakes, learned the lessons, and record them here so you won’t be required to follow in Ralphie’s footsteps.

I queried what felt like a hundred agents for my first book A Killing Fire. And occasionally, I’m invited to lecture university-level creative writing classes on pitfalls, best practices and resources to use when querying agents. Most of the advice I’ve given mirror previous blog posts answers to this week’s question, so be sure to read them. I also provide students with examples of good and bad query letters that might be helpful to you. I’ve shared them here. What follows is an example of a good query letter that I use in class. It's a version of the one I used to find an agent for A Killing Fire. After that is an example of a bad query letter. Read if you dare.

Good Query Letter Example:

Dear Ms. Shields-- Send to a Person

I am seeking representation for my completed southern gothic mystery A Killing Fire (95,200 words). In researching agent possibilities, I was encouraged to learn that you specialize in fiction with strong, diverse voices.  -- Tell them what you want them to represent. This is the ‘ask’. 

A Killing Fire features a strong African American protagonist, homicide Detective RAVEN BURNS, who believes she has finally outrun her father’s sins, notorious serial killer FLOYD “FIRE” BURNS. By the time he is executed, Raven has become a cop with the sole purpose of putting men like him away. To catch a killer, Raven must come to terms with who she is. And who she is not. -- Brief synopsis of the book 

A Killing Fire is the first in a series of mysteries based on the four elements-- fire, water, earth and air. Raven encounters them all on her journey to understanding her true character. In Fire, and in each subsequent book, she will cross lines and draw boundaries that will eventually define her soul. Let them know that you have other books. This isn’t a one and done.

I have three published mysteries with Kensington, Spiral of Guilt (1999), The Savior (2003, 2004) and Fatal Justice (2005, 2006). I have had short stories and poems published in various literary journals including the African American Review, Calliope, and Occam’s Razor, and have been awarded writing fellowships at Djerassi and the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts. I took a break from writing after Fatal Justice to pursue a master’s degree in English. I began A Killing Fire after completing that degree, and am now ready to renew my writing career. -- List writing credits; if you don’t have writing credits, say one or two things that make you particularly qualified to write this book

A Killing Fire will appeal to lovers of mysteries that have strong literary and psychological undertones, as well as to those who attracted to books featuring multicultural characters. I also have a robust marketing plan to ensure that this series receives vigorous promotion after publication.  Tell them who the book will appeal to, and how you might promote it. List comparative titles as well.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

Faye Snowden

Bad Query Letter Example

To Whom it May Concern:

I am seeking representation for my completed novel A Killing Fire (95,200 words). In researching agent possibilities, I decided to query you even though you don’t represent my genre. I’m sure cookbooks are fun, but I’m convinced that my southern gothic mystery is so good that you will not be able to resist. Besides, I’m running out of agents to query.

A Killing Fire features a strong African American protagonist, homicide Detective RAVEN BURNS, who believes she has finally outrun her father’s sins, notorious serial killer FLOYD “FIRE” BURNS. By the time he is executed, Raven has become a cop with the sole purpose of putting men like him away. I would say more, but I’m concerned about someone stealing my idea, and I worked too hard for that to happen.

A Killing Fire is the first in a series of mysteries based on the four elements-- fire, water, earth and air. Raven encounters them all on her journey to understanding her true character. In Fire, and in each subsequent book, she will cross lines and draw boundaries that will eventually define her soul.  

I have published before but not in a very long time. I have been concentrating on my family and career, but am now ready to get back into writing and publishing.  

A Killing Fire will appeal to lovers of mysteries that have strong literary and psychology undertones, as well as to those who are attracted to books featuring multicultural characters. That may make it difficult to sell, but once it finds its audience, I’m sure it will be a success. Please make sure that any potential publishers know that I will expect that the book be aggressively publicized. It is no secret that the genre suffers from a lack of diverse voices, and they have a responsibility to make sure everyone is heard.

Let me know when I can send additional material. I know that you are busy, but I’d appreciate your response in ten business days. That should give you plenty of time to get back to me. 

Sincerely,

The Author 

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Final piece of advice? Don’t be like “The Author”. Treat your query letter as you would a cover letter for a job, because that’s exactly what it is. Oh, by the way, poor Ms. Shields.