Send in the Ghosts

There seems to be a deluge of celebrity authors entering the world of crime fiction, some of whom are writing their own books, and some of whom might not be. What are your thoughts on the celebrity author phenomenon, including those utilizing ghosts?

 

By Abir

 

I tell you what, that Richard Osman has a lot to answer for. For those of you who may not have heard of him, he’s a British TV personality, actually he’s more than that – he’s become a beloved national institution. We love him. He’s like the nation’s favourite uncle. He’s also a really decent person, and immensely, ridiculously talented. A few years ago he turned his hand to writing mystery novels and they really are pretty damn good. A combination of good writing and, as my colleagues have said earlier in the week, being able to leverage the advantages that go with being a celebrity, have catapulted his books to the top of the charts. This, I think, is a good thing. Richard puts in the effort and he deserves the rewards.

 

The problem is that certain segments of the publishing industry seem to have looked upon Richard’s success and thought – ‘oh – we’re missing a trick here. Let’s jump on that bandwagon. There’s money in it.’ Now before I go on, I know that celebrities have been writing or co-writing fiction for a long time, however, I do think that in our particular part of the fiction ecosystem, there has been a significant flowering in the celebrity penned novel post Osman.

 

And this is where things start to get messy. I may be wrong, but I get the impression that a bunch of agents have rung up their clients and said something like ‘Hey kiddo, why don’t you try writing a novel? I can get you a hundred grand’. At which point, in my head at least, one of four things happens:

 

1.     The celebrity says, ‘nah, you’re ok. I’m concentrating on my day job. It’s what I do best.’ ;

2.     The celeb says, ‘oooh! I’ve always wanted to write a novel! I’ll give it a shot.’ And a year down the line, produces something passable;

3.     Celeby-baby says, ‘ ok. A hundred grand, I mean writing a novel, might be nice. I'll give it a shot.’ And six months later has produced either very little or something that resembles the dog’s dinner plastered over 300 pages. Said canine repast is then taken to ICU where severe and invasive surgery is carried out to try and turn it into something semi-readable;

or

4.     Our star says, ‘I like the sound of money hitting my bank account, but I ain’t writing squat.’ And the agent and publisher sing in unison, ‘No problem. We'll send in the ghosts!’

 

So here’s what I think about each of those scenarios:

 

1.     The celeb who passes up the opportunity. Good on you, Mr/Ms Celeb – you know what you’re good at. You’re going to be an A list star in your own field. One day, you’ll be bigger than Marlon Brando.

2.     To the celeb who writes their own, decent novel – I say, well done. Welcome to the world of hard graft and slow improvement. It’s a treadmill we’re all on. If this is your passion, more power to your pen.

3.     To the trier (and failer) and the subsequent industry effort to breathe life into a dead parrot, I say – why did you start this? Was it because you wanted to do it, or because it was suggested to you as a nice little earner? If the former, then stick at it if you want to. If not, I look forward to cheering on your cha-cha on Dancing With the Stars next year, even though I have no idea who you are, what you’re famous for, or what you look like.

4.     To the money-grabbing lazy shit that takes the money, might have the inkling of an idea, and then lets a ghost do the work, (and more importantly, to the industry people who enable this) I say – No. Stop it. What benefit are you bringing to the world? I appreciate there is an industry around ghost-writing – I have no problem with ghosts in the biography space, or pretty much any non-fiction. Some really knowledgeable people – scientists, historians, celebrities might have wisdom to impart but might be absolutely crap writers.  In that case, I’m happy with ghosts – as long as they’re given due credit on the cover. 

In terms of fiction, I’m less generous. A novel is so much more than just an idea or an outline – it’s the result of prose and plotting and character development, and when done well, something that comes to life and resides, sometimes forever, in a reader’s head and heart. You don’t get that from an idea or a plot summary. In my opinion, the person who put in the effort, whose prose brought the idea to life, should be the one taking the lion’s share of the credit. Anything else is hoodwinking the audience. I’d say to publishers – why not just nurture the ghost’s talent instead of pulling a fast one on the public? (yes, I understand that there’s a financial imperative here – many writers earn a living as ghosts which they might not be able to do as writers under their own name, but unless they’re credited with their work, how are they ever going to break out of that rather grubby cycle?) 

My final comment is on those books, supposedly written by celebrities, where the whole industry is aware that the thing was ghost-written, but where the ghost’s name isn’t even on the book and the publisher maintains the fiction of the celeb having written the whole novel. This, in my opinion, is fraud, and I have nothing but contempt for those who participate in it.

 

Have a good weekend.