Which narrator do you prefer to write? To read? First or third? Which is more powerful? More trustworthy? Interesting? Easier to write? More fun to write?
As one would expect from a newspaper piece, this article gives the reader the known facts of the incident and little else. It’s great background for what happened, but there’s no emotion or personal agency here.
The newspaper:
Seventh grader Arthur “Artie” Lionel was a popular, fun-loving boy who followed the Hephaestus High School Red Raiders teams with fanatical devotion. He also rooted for the New York Giants, Yankees, and Knickerbockers. Doubleday gym teacher Stanley Litwaw recalled him as a fast runner, good rope-climber, and scrappy second baseman on the baseball field. “ He had a good glove,” he said. “And he was a fair underhanded foul-shooter on the basketball court.”
Teachers remembered Artie as punctual and polite. His parish priest, Fr. Anselmo, said he was a faithful, pious communicant at St. John’s on Washington Avenue and had served two years as an altar boy.
Color code: yellow=vanilla reportage. Human interest.
Jimmy Steuben, thirteen-year-old main character/narrator reacting to the article:
Well, that stuff about Artie was a load of bull. He rode the bench on the baseball team and was about as fast as a turtle when it came to running. And if managing to hit the rim on one out of ten foul shots was “fair,” then—okay—he was a fair shooter. Sure, he was an altar boy, but only because his ma made him do it. He always told Booker and me that the priest was a pain in the ass. Took too much time telling Artie to comb his hair and smooth his vestibules. I think that’s what he said his altar boy clothes were called. More mumbo jumbo. I saw Father Anselmo a couple of times. Weirdo with a sweaty forehead and Coke-bottle glasses. And Artie a pious communicant? Are you kidding me? He told me him and the other kids once put green JELL-O in the holy water. It was pretty funny, he said. Didn’t sound too “pious” to me. I would’ve loved to see that, though. Green JELL-O in the holy water.
Color code: orange=humorous, deprecating remark
pink=slang, bad words typical of a 13-year-old boy in 1968
blue=malapropism or bad grammar
Artie…lacked maturity, yet he was one of the taller boys. Good looking with plenty of charm, he nevertheless would tease the girls and posture like a peacock at times, acting as if it were his birthright as a boy to expect attentions and indulgence from the females he wanted to impress. I heard he’d told his friends he’d felt up one of the girls in the class. That disappointed me. Oh, not that he had curiosity and desires. Those were the most natural things in the world for a pubescent boy. No. But bragging and besmirching the poor girl’s name, that was too much. I wanted to slap him for it when I heard it. Now that was all forgotten.
Color code: gray=higher-register, descriptive language, appropriate for a teacher to use
Here, the newspaper sticks to the facts, but Jimmy’s personality shines through in his version. For one thing, he doesn’t seem as upset as you might expect about his pal Artie’s death. And for another, he betrays his feelings about religion and his own education with the words he uses. Patti uses better vocabulary and longer, more-complicated sentences, but she’s not afraid to employ some popular language of the time, e.g. “to feel up a girl.” And she shares a personal opinion teachers might not say aloud today, to wit wanting to slap her student.
All of this discussion of different voices should seem obvious and unnecessary, yet sometimes narrators can sound alike. Or maybe they have the exact same sense of humor. It’s important to try to avoid such pitfalls, of course.
One more example from my two narrators, Jimmy and Patti. As background information, I point out that, following the tragic electrocution deaths of the aforementioned Artie Lionel and a teacher named Rick Voohrees, Jimmy and Patti wind up spending lots of time together over Christmas break 1968. The secret that fuels the suspense in my story and in my narrators’ minds is that Patti was secretly dating Rick Voohrees and, unbeknownst to her, Jimmy Steuben is responsible for the accident that killed him and Artie. Patti’s intentions, while selfish perhaps, are not salacious in any way. Jimmy, on the other hand, has other ideas, just as you’d expect from a thirteen-year-old boy.
Patti
Jimmy was polite and friendly, and I think maybe he liked me more than simply as his teacher. A girl learns to recognize the looks from men and boys, after all. The leers, the stares, the open-mouth and vacant eyes… Some men are wolves when pursuing a girl, but Jimmy was sweet and innocent about it. I knew he wasn’t thinking of seduction or sex; he was too young and naïve for that. His was a puppy love, I figured, and I felt flattered that he was attracted to an “old lady” like me. Still, I had to remind myself to be careful, or next I’d be the teacher suspected of inappropriate “fraternization” with a young student.
Jimmy
“You’re a very sensitive young man,” she said to me. “I believe you feel things other boys your age wouldn’t understand.”
Yeah, I was sensitive. And all I could think was that I was feeling good and hot for her, right there in the kitchen on Christmas Eve. Oh, I’d never have the guts to make a pass at her, but that’s what I was thinking. She would never be interested in a thirteen-year-old kid anyways, even if I was going to be fourteen next month.
*****************
THE PRANK…enigmatic and unnerving. The pace never flags for a second. This is some masterly plotting. I loved it.”
—Liz Nugent, author of Strange Sally Diamond
THE PRANK. A picture clipped from Playboy magazine, a missing Swiss Army Knife, and a prank gone terribly wrong conspire to make Christmas 1968 a deadly holiday to remember.
“The Holdovers meets The Bad Seed,” THE PRANK features a charming but volatile thirteen-year-old named Jimmy Steuben. He befriends his seventh-grade English teacher, Patti Finch, just days after her boyfriend is killed in an electrocution accident while hanging Christmas lights on his roof. Patti desperately needs respite from her grief, and a chance encounter with Jimmy provides just that. Ignoring the dangers of a potential scandal, the mismatched pair begins spending time together over Christmas break. Patti finds solace in Jimmy’s company; Jimmy discovers desire and infatuation. But what Patti doesn’t know is that it was Jimmy who caused the tragic accident that killed her lover.
From two-time Edgar Award finalist, Anthony, Barry, and Macavity award-winner James W. Ziskin, THE PRANK releases July 2026.
| PLACEHOLDER—NOT THE OFFICIAL COVER |
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1 comment:
Spot on, Jim. Also, thanks for the ARC of The Prank—I'm really enjoying it!
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