Is there a book
you couldn't or wouldn't write - even if a good friend begged you and offered a
suitcase full of money?
I know the real answer to this, but I have to admit, when I
closed my eyes to think about the question, my first thought was “How much
money?” So, whatever I concluded, I guess I have my price. I just don’t have
any friends who can meet it, not surprising since most of them are writers or
artists or otherwise underemployed.
50 Shades of Gray
comes immediately to mind. I haven’t read it, but someone quoted a truly awful
couple of sentences in a review that made me cringe. The writing was amateurish
and whatever thought the author seemed to be trying to express was lost in the
weeds. The reviewer was ruthless. I’d be mortified to have a reviewer do that
to a book with my name on it, so that’s one for the list.
Add anything purporting to be the shocking and hitherto
unknown truths about proven instances of UFOs in New Mexico being covered up by
a massive conspiracy among the CIA, the FBI, and the Pentagon. The exception
would be the script of any of a dozen episodes of “The X-Files” in which Scully
pokes out her lower lip and says “Mulder…” Those, I would have liked to write
for bags of money.
I would turn down a ghost writing contract for celebrities
whose only claim to our attention is that they have gotten attention before.
You know them even if their names blur. They’re on the home pages of every
online and supermarket rag, have their own TV shows, give birth to babies they
monetize, and get the book contracts my fellow writers and I only dream about.
But I suspect they have few ideas outside of seeking celebrity/money and I
couldn’t stand being forced to listen to them and take notes for months.
It might be easier to win the lottery than to be offered a
suitcase full of money to write anything unless you’re James Patterson or J.K.
Rowling. But it’s a nice daydream, so thanks for asking.
12 comments:
Well, Susan, even James Patterson doesn't write most of his stuff anymore. He's sort of like a writing factory with all his ghosts or assistants or whatever you call them. The Thomas Kinkade of writing. How many books does he put out a year now, about 1300? He should have little kiosks in malls selling his latest widgets, uh, I mean books.
Hah! I like your answer, Susan. I don't think I would enjoy ghost writing for a dull celebrity either...
Paul, I guess that means the question is "Would you write James Patterson's novels for him? "And since we know people who do, we should tread lightly and simply wonder how much money? I think he gives them credit, as in "...with Paul Marks" doesn't he?
Meredith, that part of my response comes a bit close to what I used to do now and then in higher ed, writing speeches and op-eds for the presidents I worked for. I didn't resent it at all- that was my job and I did it well. But they were al and always a lot smarter than fill-in-the-blank-girl-of-the-moment.
X-Files!
And yes, agree about the ghost writing thing....especially since it would mean having to spend some significant time with any of those people! :-)
Art
"Suitcase of money" and "writer" don't usually appear in the same sentence. I wonder how much money a suitcase holds anyway (I suppose it depends on the denominations...). Now I'm going to be thinking about suitcases and money all week!! (Wouldn't it be fun to hang out with an attention-craving celebrity for a while, if for no other reason than to see how their mind works??)
I don't know. This celebrity ghost writing business. With a pot load of money I'd be prepared to do it. And remember we are fiction writers.....
Alan and Robin, I don't believe it for one minute. You're both far too intelligent and in the five minutes it took to find out their brains work, you'd be over your fascination. Doubt me? Watch five minutes of a "Housewives of ...(Whichever city) show without blinking and then imagine trailing her around for a month, writing down what she tells you to. (I need so many emojis right now...)
Wow these are great answers! And I'm with RJ and Alan on the celebrity thing. A dull, arrogant, racist one? No. But someone who could show me behind the scenes into a world I've never seen...I might look at that as research into a future novel. Paid research to boot.
Susan, my problem isn't with the writers who write for Patterson. It's with the factory approach to writing.
Okay, a sidebar question: WHICH celebrity?
Paul, I agree. Interestingly,m the notion of sketching out an idea, having someone else execute it, and then selling it under your name is one that artists used and occasionally still do. As though the execution (as my Tim, an artist, said, "the hand of man") wasn't as much a mark as the concept. An idea I don't agree with either.
I love "writers or artists or otherwise unemployed"!
UNDERemployed, Catriona, dear!
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