Friday, January 13, 2023

Felcitations & Prognostications

 by Abir

Do you have any New Year's resolutions as a writer, and what are your plans for 2023?


Happy Belated New Year to you all! I hope 2023 brings you all joy and happiness and many, many books to read.


Let’s get down to it.


Do I have New Year’s Resolutions as a writer?


I learned a long time ago that my natural state is one of inertia and that any attempts to change that by way of positive mental attitude and fresh starts are doomed to inevitable failure. In the past, this used to concern me, but there comes a point in one’s life when the best thing to do is just make peace with oneself, say ‘sod it’ and just bumble along as best one can. So, no, I don’t have any resolutions. 


But I do have plans. Mighty plans, wonderful plans. The best plans. So big. So beautiful. 


As I sit here, in my dressing gown, on my bed, typing this two minutes before the submission deadline, my mind is elsewhere: miles away – in the future, spending all the cash I’m going to be swimming in this time next year, when all my plans come to fruition…or at least, that’s the plan.


I won’t bore you with the details, but in essence, the plan is this:


1.     Finish writing the book I’ve been working on for the last two years, making sure it is the best damn book that anyone has ever written. (I’m quietly confident this is achievable).

2.     Submit said best book ever to agent and editors and bask in the warm glow of their praise.

3.     Embark on worldwide publicity tour (four continents, five if you count Australia as a continent – which I don’t) remembering to get teeth straightened and whitened before the north American leg, because teeth is how North Americans judge people.

4.     Sit back (on new golden bed and in new dressing gown, also made of gold) as sales outstrip prince Harry’s and Shakespeare’s combined and watch as the cash rolls in.

5.     Once rich, do what all A-list writers do and employ impoverished but talented ghost writer to write all my future books while paying them minimum wage.


And there you have it. My simple plan for 2023.


On the off-chance that it doesn’t quite work out that way (probably due to malign political forces ranged against me) I have a back-up plan.


1.     Finish the damn book.

2.     Start writing the next book.

3.     Think of ideas for the one after that.

4.     Rinse.

5.     Repeat.


Cos that really is the job of a writer - to write - and I haven’t been doing enough of it recently because, as we’ve established, I’m lazy.

Happy New Year one and all.



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