Remember that time...? by Eric Beetner

 What single moment of being a published writer has been the most memorable?

I’ve been a very lucky writer and after 15 years since my first novel was published, I have a host of memories. If I had to total them up, surely my good memories outnumber the bad ones. However, as any creative knows, it’s the bad ones that stick with you.

So for every kind word a writing hero has said about my work, for every book I’ve signed, every glowing review I’ve gotten, every awards ceremony I’ve attended, there are moments of indignity and humiliation that come along with this crazy business.

For example the weekend I went 0 for 3 on awards starting on a Friday night when I lost a Shamus award, into Saturday night when I lost an Anthony award only to get on a plane, fly back to L.A., don a tux and make it just in time to lose an Emmy award on Sunday. 3 nights, 3 nominations, zero wins.

There was the time I sat at the signing table at Bouchercon in alphabetical order in between Jeff Abbott and Cara Black. It was like the empty space between two skyscrapers as long lines of people queued up for both of them and nobody came for me. Then one guy leaned out of line to pep me up (I think?) and said, “Don’t worry, buddy. First one’s the hardest. You’ll get there.” To which I had to tell him, “This is actually my ninth book.”

I went to host my very first book club at a local bookstore only to sit around for an hour all by myself. Nobody had signed up and nobody came.

I have had no fewer than six – count ‘em: 6 – publishers go out of business while publishing my books. Some with a little up front notice, most with almost none. You can understand I’m a little gun-shy now about new publishing ventures.

There was the time when someone stopped me to tell me how much they like my books only to realize 5 minutes into the praise that it was another Eric she was thinking of. She hadn’t read my books and didn’t seem all that interested, even after our chat.

The routine indignity of my wife never finishing a book of mine is a sore spot. I had to stare at a copy on her nightstand for more than six months, bookmark never moving beyond chapter 2, before I had to remove it and stash it away where it could no longer mock me. Worst of all, she never noticed it was gone.

One single moment? Perhaps the very beginning. The moment that should have warned me what this writing life was going to be like. The pain I would endure if I kept on.

I had a book signing for my debut novel. A momentous occasion for any author, and something that can only happen for the first time once. It was at a favorite and legendary bookstore. I invited friends and family, other writers I admired. I signed the guest book for the store only a few columns from Michael Connelly, Mickey Spillane and Megan Abbott. 

Then two days before the signing, my publisher informed me they wouldn’t have any books for me. Production issues, they said. I had to do my debut signing with nothing to sign.

I had my one, sad, author copy which I read from. And then politely thanked everyone for coming, but had to send them home empty-handed. It was humiliating and demoralizing and a perfect foreshadow of the way my writing career would go from there. I still get nightmares about it. It’s the author equivalent of showing up to your final exams late with only 2 minutes on the clock, and also you’re naked. It’s the one time you wish you had one of those ‘I had a signing and nobody came’ moments. I’m telling you, the inverse of nobody showing up is way worse. If nobody is there you’re ashamed in front of the mirror and the bookstore staff. When everyone shows up except the books – you’re ashamed in front of the mirror, the staff, and everyone you will continue to see regularly who will remember this moment the same way they’d remember a time when your pants fell down.

A crowd who braved L.A. traffic about to be disappointed

Reading from the one copy of the book in the store that night

So, yeah, so many moments. Hard to pick just one. It’s a deep well. I have several appearances this fall where I assume I will add to the list, so stay tuned! Or better yet, come by and witness the car crash for yourself.