What writing lessons did you have to keep learning over and over?
Writers are often advised to kill their darlings. This is usually good advice. But, if you stop to think about it, you might be killing off some of your best writing. A line that could be quoted a hundred years from now…
Maybe that’s why I stubbornly refuse to learn that lesson, no matter how many times I try. Yes, I suppose I could be more succinct in my prose. And I know I tend to indulge in descriptions and diversions beyond what would seem ample to most writers. I follow my whimsy, the result of which is scenes that go on only slightly longer than the Ring Cycle. Those are my darlings. I enjoy writing such stuff. And why not? That’s what I hope readers will quote a hundred years from now.
I’ll give you an example from THE PRANK, which comes out in July 2026.
SETUP: Following the tragic electrocution deaths of a beloved teacher, Mr. Voohrees, and a seventh-grade student, Artie Lionel, the junior high school principal, Mr. Hinkle, hosts an assembly to commemorate the two victims. When Hinkle “outs” Miss Finch—another teacher—as Voohrees’s girlfriend, my thirteen-year-old narrator, Jimmy Steuben, reacts and describes the scene in his inimitable fashion. I’ve highlighted some of the extra, non-essential “darlings” he serves up.
Jesus H. Christ, what the hell was Hinkle blathering about? I was only a seventh grader, but even I figured it wasn’t right to talk about a dead guy’s girlfriend in front of six hundred students, teachers, and guests. For one thing, who the hell knew they (Miss Finch and Voohrees) were an item? Not me. Miss Finch never mentioned it during our tutoring sessions, but why would she? It was private, right? And I never saw them together except the way you might see any two teachers in the same place at school.
Take the music teacher, Old Lady Underwear, for instance. Actually her real name was Underwood, but you know how kids are. Anyways, I saw her talking to Mr. Truax, the handsome young math teacher, lots of times in the hallway, but I wouldn’t say they were dating because of that. I mean Old Lady Underwear was seventy-five if she was a day, and Mr. Truax was maybe twenty-eight. He could’ve probably picked the prettiest girl in town any night of the week. Or maybe the second prettiest girl, since Mr. V would’ve got the prettiest, what with his good looks, cool car, and on account of he was rich.
But back to Mr. Hinkle. There he was making it sound like Miss Finch and Mr. V were going steady or were engaged or something. No one sitting near me got it either. Kids were looking confused and acting like that was news to them. And what the hell was he driving at? Now everyone in the hall was thinking what Mr. V and Miss Finch were getting up to, instead of feeling bad that Artie and him were dead.
I glanced around the auditorium, looking for Miss Finch, but I didn’t see her. There was a lot of muttering going on, and I figured she must’ve been embarrassed and ran out of the place. Who wouldn’t? What was Mr. Hinkle going to say next? That Artie felt up Janey Silverman at the Harvest Dance in October? Yeah, we all knew about that. Not that she had a lot to feel up, but it was still pretty cool. Of course touching a twelve-year-old girl’s chest wasn’t something the school principal should be talking about in an assembly when he’s supposed to be saying words of comfort to a bunch of kids and their nosy parents. And he shouldn’t have been telling everyone Miss Finch was going out with Mr. V either.
And, to prove he never should’ve mentioned it, now I couldn’t help wondering if Mr. V had felt up Miss Finch. It was a natural thing to think about after remembering Artie and Janey Silverman, after all. And like my habit of laughing at serious occasions, I couldn’t stop myself. So there I was at a sad ceremony to honor Mr. V and Artie, thinking about Artie feeling up Janey Silverman and Mr. V feeling up Miss Finch, who looked like the girl in Playboy, only her hair was different. It wasn’t right. And it was Mr. Hinkle’s fault, not mine. He shouldn’t have brought up her name.
Strictly speaking, the highlighted yellow passages above have nothing to do with the actual assembly scene and could have been omitted. But they tell us so much about Jimmy, his worldview, his irreverence and morality, and his iffy grammar. Editors everywhere must be clamoring for this text to be expunged posthaste. Perhaps I should give it one more try to learn this lesson and kill my darlings.
Ah, who am I kidding? That’s a new trick that I—an old dog—refuse to learn. I LIKE writing and reading this kind of padding. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: in THE PRANK, there’s more where that came from. And in the very same scene, including descriptions of a fistfight and split trousers right there on the floor of the auditorium. No, I reckon I’m too old and stubborn to learn a lot of new tricks. But what the heck, I’m going to be true to mine own self and write what I like to read. I fervently wish readers will enjoy reading about Old Lady Underwear and split trousers in my books as well.
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THE PRANK…enigmatic and unnerving. The pace never flags for a second. This is some masterly plotting. I loved it.”
—Liz Nugent, author of Strange Sally Diamond
THE PRANK. A picture clipped from Playboy magazine, a missing Swiss Army Knife, and a prank gone terribly wrong conspire to make Christmas 1968 a deadly holiday to remember.
“The Holdovers meets The Bad Seed,” THE PRANK features a charming but volatile thirteen-year-old named Jimmy Steuben. He befriends his seventh-grade English teacher, Patti Finch, just days after her boyfriend is killed in an electrocution accident while hanging Christmas lights on his roof. Patti desperately needs respite from her grief, and a chance encounter with Jimmy provides just that. Ignoring the dangers of a potential scandal, the mismatched pair begins spending time together over Christmas break. Patti finds solace in Jimmy’s company; Jimmy discovers desire and infatuation. But what Patti doesn’t know is that it was Jimmy who caused the tragic accident that killed her lover.
From two-time Edgar Award finalist, Anthony, Barry, and Macavity award-winner James W. Ziskin, THE PRANK releases July 2026.
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| PLACEHOLDER—NOT THE OFFICIAL COVER |
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