Bad Reviews by Poppy Gee

What advice do you have for new authors on reviews? Do you read reviews? What is the best ever review you’ve received? What’s the worst and most hilarious? Share it with us!

An effective piece of writerly advice is to go online and read the one-star reviews of your favourite authors. It's perversely pleasurable and reassuring to be reminded that even bestselling authors get bad reviews.

Can you guess which bestselling author received this shocker? 

Oh but then it gets so so so much worse. Just a few hours after the wifey leaves, the author introduces a hot young Yankee law student, who is rich and smart. Despite her being over qualified for the job she begs Jake to let her "carry his briefcase" and work as his free law clerk. This bra-less (yes they mention that she is bra-less at least 5 times in the book) scantly clad liberal lady throws herself at Jake again and again. Of course he dutifully denies her. Why is this character introduced? To feed the male fantasy of course. What's hotter than lording over a smart strong woman who happily follows your every bidding and drools over your amazingness...

Oh, dear. Poor John Grisham. As a fan of his work, I don’t agree with this take at all. In this next review, the reader describes all the things they hated, which are the things I like about Patricia Highsmith:

This novel moves at a dismally slow pace. The reader has to wade through more than 100 pages before any real hint of a plot appears. The story line is weak and drawn out with repeative descriptions of topography and bland dialog. I only finished it because I paid handsomely for it.

Another reader admitted: 

At one point, I actually chose to scrub my bathtub instead of sitting down to finish the book...

Ouch. Poor Patricia Highsmith.

It’s a good idea to avoid looking at reviews for a few weeks or months after your book first comes out. Unless you’re a professional actor, it’s hard to do publicity or events after reading a sharply worded account of the disappointment and dismay you’ve wreaked on an innocent reader.

But after the excitement and anxiety of launch fades, it can be productive to read your reviews. Do this analytically. See if there are some common reactions. For me, many readers were frustrated by my ambiguous ending in BAY OF FIRES. That’s something I won’t repeat, or at least, I’ll work harder to make sure my next endings are stronger.

My worse reviews are etched into my aching heart:

God Awful

That was it. I felt terrible for that poor reader. And then this one:

The ending was so bad I wanted to throw the book against the wall when I finished, but it was an iPad so I couldn’t.

Ouch. Poor me!

The best one I ever got was in a newspaper where the reviewer likened my writing to Annie Proulx. That was lovely to read.

Reviews are for readers. Try not to worry too much. 

If you’re feeling disheartened by a particularly vicious one star, pour a nice cold drink and head to your favourite author’s Goodreads page. It works a dream!