The Secret Place Where Writers Find Their Ideas from James W. Ziskin

Where do you get your ideas? No but seriously what do you use for inspiration: art, music, landscape, the news, dreams, family stories . . . ?

This is a trade secret. All writers know the answer but refuse to tell. We’re required to sign a pact never to divulge where we get our ideas. Oh, we’ll lie and say we find them in news stories, family histories, and dreams and such. Just read the posts from Brenda, Terry, and Dietrich this week. Lies. All lies. We do it to prevent our ranks from swelling to the bursting point with new writers. If everyone knew where to get ideas, everyone would be writing books and stories, wouldn’t they? Of course they would. We don’t need any more competition, so the standard line is some drivel about finding ideas everywhere. In the supermarket, at a party, on TV. Eavesdropping on conversations in cafes, drawing inspiration from the news, true crime, or our hometowns. My favorite is when we say “dreams.” That’s rich. Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night with a can’t-fail idea for a story, I write it down, only to wonder in the light of day what the f&@# is this shit? It makes no sense.

And do you know why it makes no sense? Because that’s not where writers get their ideas, that’s why.

Don’t believe the lies. We’re just a cabal of scribblers trying to hog all the glory. We could tell you if we wanted to, but we’re too selfish. We’re spoiled, sitting on the piles of cash we’ve amassed using the super ideas and high-concept plot lines we refuse to share with the hoi polloi, i.e. the saps wanting to join the club. Yes, it’s an actual club with ancient initiation rites, mystical ceremonies, and—of course—a secret handshake. We even wear funny hats.

Photo by Daco Auffenorde, another writer who won’t tell you the truth about where she gets her ideas

But wait, I hear you say, if you don’t share the ideas with anyone, how did the current members get in to the club? Simple. By lottery. And how do you qualify for the lottery? So naive. (Shakes head in woeful condescension.) Think about it and maybe you’ll figure it out. Do you really believe all those idiots playing Pokémon GO were actually searching for Pokémonim? (Yes, that’s the true plural. It comes from Yiddish.) (Rolls eyes.)

No, writers won’t tell you where they get their inspiration. But club membership fees recently doubled, and I really dislike our current president, so I’ve decided to defrock myself—did I mention we wear monastic frocks at our autumnal jamboree?—and share the secret.

WE GET OUR IDEAS FROM AMAZON! 

Amazon Prime, to be precise. Sure, you have to pay an annual fee, but they do offer free shipping…

So, there you have it. Go out and get some ideas and write some great books! That is if you can put up with our insufferable idiot of a club president, the pricey dues, and the itchy frocks.

Disclaimer: (Actually, I get my ideas from the news, dreams, family, hometown, and life experience. Especially life experience. The same places everyone else says. Oh, yeah, and there’s no club.)