How Much Would You Pay to Watch a Robot Hit a Golf Ball? from James W. Ziskin

What's the writing business going to look like 5 years from now? Do you think it's going to be more or less the same, or will AI and other technology trends transform it dramatically - if so, how? 

There is much dread about the future of AI and the writing of fiction. Specifically, lots of folks are wondering if AI will put human writers out of business.

Well, in 1997 Deep Blue defeated chess master Garry Kasparov. In the twenty-seven years since, has anyone organized a world chess championship for computers? Would anyone watch if they did? I don’t think so.

Let me give another example:

Would you pay to watch a robot hit a golf ball? (Click on link or picture)

Or would you rather watch this? (click on link or picture)

If people are willing to get on an airplane, fly to Georgia, rent a car, check into an expensive hotel, and pay hundreds of dollars to sit in the sun for eight hours to watch a human whack a small dimpled ball with a stick, then I predict that no one will ever want to read stories written by robots. No matter how good AI becomes, it will never be human and therefore will hold little interest beyond a huh-look-at-that, fleeting curiosity that will shrivel up, die, and be forgotten as soon as a butterfly floats by or a favorite song comes on the radio or you smell onions frying or you pet a cat. Or…huh, look at that… My fingernails need trimming.

Admit it. AI has no spirit, no perspective, self-irony, or obsession. It has no convictions, no envy, no sloth, and no lust for success. It doesn’t care. In short, it has no soul. 

And its heart has never been broken, which means it will never write anything of creative value. 

If you don’t agree with me, let’s do a simple test, Pick A or B from the choices below:

1. I would rather 

    A. Pay to hear a mimic imitate Frank Sinatra really, really well

    B. Pay to hear Frank Sinatra sing

2. I would rather 

    A. Watch an automaton perform Hamlet 

    B. Watch John Gielgud perform Hamlet

3. I would rather

    A. Read a humorous story written by AI

    B. Read anything by P. G. Wodehouse

4. I would rather

    A. (Ahem) do it with a love doll

    B. Do it with a real person

5. I would rather

    A. Own a non-fungible digital image of…I don’t know…anything at all?

    B. Own a true Vermeer or a finger painting by my child

6. I would rather 

    A. Put on virtual reality glasses and visit the virtual Grand Canyon

    B. Visit the Grand Canyon

7. I would rather

    A. Have a robotic dog do whatever robotic dogs do

    B. Have a dog gaze into my eyes with love and devotion and purity of heart

If you answered A to any of the above, please return your Human Race Membership Card to the trash bin on your computer screen. You don’t need it.

If you answered B to all of the above, you win! Take heart. AI will never replace the human joys cited above. Nor will it replace millions of other human joys, each as unique as a snowflake. And it will never replace human writers. Not in five years. Not ten. Never. 

But if—by some miracle—it does replace human writers, a robot will surely win the Masters, the U.S. Open, the British Open, and the PGA tournaments. (And we’ll all be doing it with love dolls.)

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