Voyeurs and Exhibitionists from James W. Ziskin

Sally Rooney has refused, in interviews, to talk about her private life. Author Debbie Urbanski recently wrote a piece for Literary Hub titled: If I tell you secrets about my personal life, will you look at my new book? The point Debbie made was, most of us are desperate for publicity, we need our books to sell, so we feel compelled to participate in the sharing of personal information. What are your thoughts on how much writers should share? 

In the Before Times—before social media—people didn’t share the details of their private life with the world at large. For starters, there was no avenue to do so. Unless you wanted to take out a full-page ad in the newspaper, and that cost a lot of money. If you weren’t already famous, no one knew you or cared anything about you. And if you were famous, you probably had a publicist to manage your PR.

Before reality TV, influencers, and Tiktok, the common ethos was that certain things were better kept to oneself. Was it The Bachelor and celebrity porn tapes that killed decorum? When did people decide they would no longer be ashamed of their most private moments? Society now rewards immodesty, otherwise how would you explain the Hawk Tuah Girl? I’m no prude. I couldn’t care less what one does in private. But what about in public? Should we be sharing our lives to such an extent?

EXACTLY HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

Of course this is a personal decision. People are free to show and tell what they want. And, by all appearances, there’s a healthy demand for consuming what people show and tell. At the same time, we can choose to keep certain details private. À chacun son goût, comme on dit. This week’s question has forced me to think about what I share with the public on social media, and I realize that I’m a fairly private person.

WHAT I DO SHARE

1. I do talk about my writing. After all, I’m on social media in the first place to promote my writing career. To that end, many of my posts link to 7criminalminds.blogspot.com, even if I’m not sure how much traffic they drive to this page. And who knows if these posts help sell books?

2. I do talk about other people’s books. Pay it forward and backward.

3. I do talk about my teaching. Not much, but from time to time I post drawings I make for my French class.

4. I do share pictures of my cats because the Internet was invented to be a giant repository of cat pictures and videos.

WHAT I DON’T SHARE

1. I don’t talk about my health. Not that my friends wouldn’t be interested to know how I’m doing, but people have enough troubles of their own. They shouldn’t have to worry about mine.

2. I don’t talk about my finances. My mother taught us not to discuss money, and I’ve always tried to follow her advice.

3. I don’t rain on other people’s parades, at least not publicly. Privately is another matter. Sure, I dislike certain kinds of music, look down on some popular films and TV shows, and root against my hated sports teams, but I keep those details to myself. What would I gain in ridiculing someone else’s preferences? It’s not as if people are wrong for liking something different. Maybe we could all try to be less self-assured, more tolerant, and polite about other people’s taste.

4. I don’t talk about the foods I like. Or hate. That’s between me and my palate.

5. I don’t post selfies of…well…myself. On the other hand, I do post the occasional picture of…myself…but not in a look-at-me-aren’t-I-so-cute kind of way. More like a this-is-the-least-objectionable-photo-of-me-I-can-find kind of way.

6. I don’t post dad jokes. 

7. I don’t post provocative opinions simply to get reactions. There are eight billion people on earth. Who cares how cleverly edgy I think I am? Plus, that’s a sure-fire way to lose friends and alienate people. (Apologies to Dale Carnegie.) Readers, too.

8. Perhaps most important, I DO NOT POST pictures of large spiders. That’s just rude. Some people—not naming names here—have real phobias and are truly freaked out by such creatures. I ask you all to reconsider the next time you think a hairy arachnid is something worth posting.

But does any of this sharing or not sharing help sell books? Of course not. I have about 3,000 friends/followers on social media. Even if every personal post I shared earned me a tenth of that number in book sales, I’d still be selling only tens of books. Well, maybe hundreds. But that isn’t enough to make the bestseller list. Or even a modest living. And, of course, you’d have to be Pollyanna to expect one out of ten of your friends/followers to buy your book simply because you mugged for the camera and showed some ankle.

So, no, I don’t like to share too much publicly. Oh, wait. I almost forgot to mention one last thing I don’t share online:

POLITICS

9. I don’t talk much about politics in public fora, mostly because I get hoarse preaching to the choir or in the desert, depending on the audience. It’s one or the other, isn’t it? And I’ve yet to see any converts out there. So, online, I keep my thoughts mostly to myself, apart from the occasional 👍, ❤️, 😡, or comment on someone else’s post. 

But make no mistake. I stand firmly against injustice, racism, misogyny, bullying, bigotry, and cruelty. Those are not political issues. They are affronts to human decency and goodness. If you don’t oppose those, fuck right the fuck off and don’t buy my fucking books. There, I said it. That felt good.

For better or worse, the age of social media has given us an affordable—for all intents and purposes free—stage on which to perform in puris naturalibus if we so choose, for an audience of millions. And there are voyeurs aplenty out there to consume our exhibitionism. Some will say it’s in poor taste to share so much about ourselves, while others revel in the attention. No such thing as bad publicity.

Me? I think I’ll keep my clothes on, literally and figuratively speaking. I realize that all of the examples I cited above—what I will share and what I won’t—actually say a lot about me. Does that make me a hypocrite? Am I an exhibitionist? I suppose so. But all in all, I’d rather show you who I am than tell you.

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