Just Put it in the Jar by Faye Snowden

 

Do you take stock of your life only at the beginning of the year, or do you check in periodically throughout the months? Are resolutions part of that process?

Being responsible for the Friday blog is a real boon! I can riff off of previous posts from people smarter and more together than I am! A jazz band to feed my improv. I loved how James teaches us how to diffuse a bomb, and ends with a poem reminding us to focus on the things we can control. Dietrich finds New Year’s guidance in books that can have a profound impact on the way we see the world. I have to say, Viktor E. Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning changed my perception of what it means to be human in an inhumane world as well. Terry resolves to be open, and experimental, urging us to read her blog to the end so she can ask a question that I’m not only still pondering, but has me a little disturbed. There was a moment there I thought we had a connection! Black-eyed peas on New Year’s day, but, ah me, maybe it just ain’t so. And being somewhat of a goal addict myself, I thoroughly enjoyed Matthew Greene’s Confessions of a Goal Addict and his notes on gratitude. All of this makes my job a little easier.

Regarding this New Year’s resolution question, please know that I’m a Capricorn born on December 31^st, which has always made New Year’s Eve a sad affair for me. Everyone celebrates the world turning another year older instead of my birthday while I sit all day in my pajamas watching reruns of The Twilight Zone, and lamenting being one more year closer to death. I’m also a project manager by trade. No, not a recovering project manager. A PROJECT MANAGER. I delight in saying, “Fail to plan, and plan to fail.”

Before I became wiser with the years, I’d search Hallmark or Staples for the perfect planner to document my goals. Sometimes, I would even make those goals SMART. If you have ever been in corporate, you’d know that SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timebound. (If you want something that’ll drive you crazy, here is a link to a how-to guide. Author Faye would not recommend. Project Manager Faye would say go for it, but be careful, and only use it for your day job. It can become dangerous in the wrong hands.) Later, just like most of the planet, I would backslide after two or three days. I’d keep losing the planner on-accident-on-purpose. And then I would torture myself with the ‘you-screwed-up-again’ ritual beating.

What I’ve learned over the years about this behavior, however, is that I was in love with the process of making New Year’s resolutions, but not exactly fond of doing the work to achieve all of those impossible goals. It was a way for me to feel in control. But even without the process, I still got things done! Stories and books got written, family time was had and bills got paid. I took on more projects at my day job, and usually exercised more by walking miles while listening to audio books.

Now, instead of New Year’s resolutions, I review my accomplishments for the year on New Years day, and frankly, anytime I’m feeling blue. Doing so eliminates that annual negative performance appraisals that some of my fellow bloggers mentioned, and I can forgo the annual ritual beatings. (This is good because I’m already dealing with the death thing and need a break.)

My kid in MMA & the jar of calm

Years ago I bought a granite jar in a touristy Albuquerque shop during a trip for one of my son’s first MMA fights. I needed calming down because I couldn’t believe my second born was voluntarily going to enter a cage to get beat on and to also beat on someone else. This didn’t fit my pacifist disposition. The stone jar felt solid, cool to the touch. It steadied my nerves. But now I use it for my accomplishments. Throughout the year, I write my successes and even moments of joy on Post-it notes. I fold those Post-its into tiny squares, pop the lid off the jar, and drop them inside. On New Year's day and anytime I feel the need, I open that jar, unfold and read all of those little Post-It notes. Doing so helps me to remember while I am human and fallible, I can get things done sans the wasted time planning the impossible and the ritual self-torture.